Baby Drew: House Mom

Char:  Chris Young was literally just having an extended conversation with a bat in the dugout

Trinity:  um...okay

 Char:  he was! just talking to it  

Trinity:  lol!  

Char:  not to anyone else in the dugout with a bat in his hand, but talking to the bat It's Parra's bat  

Trinity:  giving it a pep talk?  

Char:  could be hes on the DL so he has to make his own fun  

Trinity:  so true

Char:  The Dbacks make me want to throw myself off a bridge  

Trinity:  oh. you think the dbacks make *you* want to throw yourself off a bridge? Today was the 100th anniversary of Fenway park game. Against the Yankees. The ANNIVERSARY of FENWAY. WE FUCKING LOST TO THE MOTHERFUCKING YANKEES  

Char:  at least losing to the Yankees is traditional?

 Trinity: IT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY OF FUCKING FENWAY FUCKING PARK!  

Char: :-(  

Trinity: god damn red sox  

Char: they miss Jacoby

Trinity: they're just stupid  

Char: and Bobby Valentie's running his mouth

 Trinity: lol. I miss Terry Francona

 Char: it was time to go especially considering that beer and friend chicken thing dbacks losing 7-0  

Trinity: lol, yeah aww

 Char: it's only the sixth  

Trinity: there's still time!  

Char: there's not a chance in hell we're scoring 8 runs  

Trinity: heehee

 Char: Stephen Drew made everybody T-shirts aww he's like the house mom

 Trinity: omg, that's so adorable  

Char: I wonder what else he brings from home?  

Trinity: freshly baked muffins, of course

 Char: Sandwiches with the crusts cut off  

Trinity: 8:45 pm chocolate chip cookies Char: I bet be brings water bottles with fresh slices of lemon in them  

Trinity: and scented candles for the clubhouse  

Char: He leaves notes in lockers. "You're appreciated!"  

Trinity: on post it notes! With little smiley face stickers  

Char: Yes! And he reminds everyone to put their uniforms where they belong to help the equipment managers  

Trinity: He makes signs in Print Shop to remind them not to spit on the clubhouse floor.  

Char: He always shares his sunflower seeds  

Trinity: of course. and you know he went to the paint your own pottery place and made everyone a personalized jar in which to spit the shells.  

Char: When he makes brownies, he never adds nuts because nobody likes brownies with nuts.  

Trinity: and someone might be allergic

 Char: you have to consider these things  

Trinity: you do! every Christmas he makes little gift bags for everyone and leaves them in the lockers before everyone else gets to the clubhouse. Homemade fudge and those slice and bake cookies with the christmas tree in the middle.  

Char: Chocolate chip cookie mix in mason jars. With a ribbon.  

Trinity: curled ribbon, naturally.

Char: But he respects Hanukkah too  

Trinity: and kwanzaa

Char: He explains how Sandra Lee's Kwanzaa cake was really insensitive  

Trinity: lol

How do you score a homebunt?

Char: Here, read what happened in the Dbacks game today, this'll get you going.
Char: E. Aybar reached on bunt single to pitcher, E. Aybar to second on pitcher D. Davis' throwing error, E. Aybar scored on right fielder J. Upton's throwing error.
Char: INSIDE THE PARK HOMERUN.
Trinity: Yay!!!
Char: By a guy who was BUNTING!
Trinity: Wait.
Char: No, this is bad.
Trinity: Oops
Trinity: Boooooooo.
Char: BUNTING!
Char: HE WAS BUNTING!
Trinity: lmao.
Trinity: Homebunt!
Char: ok, lol.
Char: I am so glad i wasn't watching'we lost, 2-1.
Char: BECAUSE OF A BUNT!
Char: HE SCORED ON A BUNT!
Trinity: Homebunt!
Char: Heee.
Char: You're not appeciating my pain!
Trinity: But it's funny!
Char: It is funny.
Char: Why couldn't it have happened to the Dodgers?
Trinity: Because the universe is conspiring against the Dbacks, duh.
Char: Well, we have added another body to the DL.
Char: People are dropping faster than pitchers in the WBC.
Trinity: lmao!
Char: Eric Byrnes fractured his hand.
Trinity: Boo Byrnes.

Sound the trumpets

Trinity: Mike Lowell had SIX rbis today.
Char: Holy crap.
Trinity: Yeah.
Char: He was on FIRE.
Char: God, no wonder they won.
Trinity: LOL. And Tek his hit fourth homer of the season, and Ellsbury hit his first
Char: Yay!
Trinity: Yeah. All of a sudden, Tek is a stud who hits bombs. Who knew?
Char: Byrnes homered today too.
Trinity: Isn't this a sign of the apocalypse?
Char: No, Jon Rauch appearing in scoreless innings two games in a row is, so you better start counting horsemen
Trinity: LMAO.

He Who Must Not Be Named

Trinity: Ha, A-Rod's getting booed.
Char: See, everybody hates A-Rod.
Char: We should have a nickname for him, the kind of name that makes a person sound like a dick.
Char: Like Clancy.
Trinity: Or Voldemort, because he's evil.
Trinity: Volde-Rod.
Char: Perfect!

We're on a break

Char: Is it bad that I don't know if I want to watch the Dbacks today?
Trinity: Wow. That is bad.
Char: ANTM is on MTV and I kind of just want to watch that. Plus I'm angry at Eric Byrnes and the rest of them for sucking yesterday
Trinity: Ha! I'm in a fight with the Red Sox. Specifically Papelbon.
Char: Eric Byrnes STRUCK OUT INTO A DOUBLE PLAY
Trinity: Paps GAVE UP TWO RUNS IN THE NINTH.
Trinity: BLEW THE SAVE
Trinity: Two outs, two men on, Sox are up by one and stupid Paps gave up the tying and the go-ahead run.
Char: Well, it happens sometimes....
Trinity: This is his second blown save in a row!
Char: Ouch.
Trinity: Yeah
Char: Eric Byrnes flailed around so much when he struck out that the ump called him on interference. They said he blocked the catcher's throwing lane to second where Augie Ojeda had just stolen second base, so they called Augie out
Char: TWO OUTS ON A SINGLE STRIKE OUT
Trinity: Ugh. Stupid Byrnes!
Char: And Byrnes is FIVE FOR HIS LAST 50 with no walks and no extra base hits
Char: AND HE'S ALWAYS IN THE TOP OF THE ORDER
Char: Angry! I am angry with you, Eric Byrnes!
Trinity: I am too! Just because!
Char: Because he sucks!
Trinity: He does!
Char: Stinking baseball.
Trinity: Srsly.

Motivations by Jacoby Ellsbury

Regarding Jacoby buying his team members ice cream in order to convince them to play hard:

Char: And you know Ellsbury offered to buy everybody ice cream too.
Trin: Oh, he so did. Nutty Buddies.
Char: He probably comes into the locker room early and leaves Little Debbies for everyone. Moon Pies from Jacoby.
Trin: Ha!
Char: Jacoby's the kind of guy who probably got notes from his mom in his lunch box.
Trin: I bet he leaves notes for the guys, too. Because you know that they order out and then make him go pick it up, and he writes on all their napkins.
Char: Even little things, "You're appreciated!"
Trin: I'm sure he writes that to the bullpen guys. Because that's what you write when you can't actually think of anything positive about them to say.
Char: Yeah, but it's not like writing "have a good summer" in someone's yearbook. He means it.
Trin: Because he's made of puppies and sunshine.
Char: He is.
Trin: He's like the anti-Beckett. Because Beckett is definitely not made of puppies or sunshine. He eats puppies and hates the sun.
Char: But Beckett's not evil.
Trin: He's not. Just scary.
Char: Beckett makes babies cry but he always feels bad and gives them candy after.
Trin: He does! Because he has a softer side. He's just, you know, Joshua fucking Beckett. He has an image to maintain.
Char: He does.