Winter's end

Ladies and gentleman, our long nightmare is over. At last, the icy grip of winter has melted away, bathing us in spring greens and pinks and golds. Baseball season is finally here and summer's just over the horizon.

For most of us. It's a bad day to be a footwear related sports team: both the Red Sox and White Sox openers have been postponed due to weather.

Whatever. Here in sunny Arizona it's 75 degrees and time to play ball. Brandon Webb takes the hill this afternoon in the Diamondbacks' first opener at home since 2005.

The heartbreak of last season is replaced with 162 games of hope and most experts predict the Diamondbacks and Dodgers to be fighting for the division until the fall. If the Dbacks want to take it all, here's what needs to happen:

• We need Eric Byrnes back at full-health and, more importantly, full-speed. He may be an overpaid fourth outfielder, but Byrnes always plays to win. We need him hitting strong and tearing up the basepaths.
• We need to cut back on Vitamin K. It's no secret the Diamondbacks were plagued by strikeouts. Mark Reynolds seems to approach every at bat like he's going to knock in a five-run homer. He led the league in Ks and that's not the kind of thing you want to repeat. Time to start working the productive at bats and get on base. Sometimes, lacing a double into the corners is better than going yard. Stop looking for home runs and start making contact.
• We need the bullpen to improve. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to throw up every time Jon Rauch comes into a game. A girl can only take so many antacids and watching the game while trying to cover my eyes isn't any fun. Get better. We've got the best 1-2 punch in the league, let's continue what they've started.
• We need to break out. With the exception of Baby Drew, the rest of the starters were always this close to getting to the next level. Waiting time is over and I know this squad's got the skills. Time for not only Justin Upton (why don't we call him Baby Upton?) but Chris Young as well to...step up to the plate as it were. I love these boys and I want to see them play to their full potential. This also goes for Gravity and Balls of Steel Snyder.
• We need the management to be smart. I know they like to call Bob Melvin the Mad Scientist but can we downgrade the wackiness? Maybe he can be something a little less out there, like the Eccentric Tinkerer or something. Melvin, I don't want to start tearing at my hair and yelling "what are you doing?!" when you do something crazy. At least we finally sent Chris Burke packing, so that's one affectation I don't have to worry about anymore.

So there it is.

Oh, and one more thing.

Go Dbacks!

Winter Meetings

There are rumors swirling about a possible Eric Byrnes/Julio Lugo trade. I don't know how to feel about this. First, a collision of my two favorite baseball teams is just weird. Second, do we want Mr. E6, himself? I have no problem getting rid of Eric Byrnes. The fanbase will miss him, but I wasn't watching the team when Byrnesie had his 'career year.' In my opinion, we're paying him $10 million a year to strike out/pop up to the infield. I also wonder how much of his season-ending injury was caused by him pushing himself too hard and refusing to admit there was a problem.

In the end, this will all probably boil down to rumor. Byrnes has a no-trade clause so they can't send him anywhere without his approval, though playing for a major-market team may be attractive (I wonder how long it will take them to start saying he's Byrnesie being Byrnesie and if NESN will give him a TV show?). Another snag: the Dbacks reportedly signed infielder Felipe Lopez to a one-year contract, clearly to fill the hole at second base. This leaves little room for Mr. E6 Lugo, since he's for damn sure not about to replace to Stephen Drew at short.

The only remaining possibility for a Red Sox trade is to throw a catcher into the mix. The Sox are in the market with one and now that we've got a spare now that we snatched up catcher James Skeleton off the rule 5 draft (I think I might start calling him Jolly Rodger - he's super thin, so Skeleton is appropriate and skeletons make me think of pirates). If a catcher does go, I'm hoping it'll be Miguel Montero (sorry Miggy). I love Chris Snyder with every fiber of my being, he's got a great bat and calls an excellent game. Personally, I think the Dbacks have a brighter future with Snyder behind the plate. Not only that but the guy will literally bust his balls for the team.

Oh, and people need to stop talking about Conor Jackson as trade bait right now. That shit ain't funny.

Gone Fishin'

Well, that was much better. A night after Melvin apparently let the boys have it - which surprises me, because Melvin always has such sad eyes, the guy constantly looks like he's just recieved word about someone drowing a sack of kittens - the Dbacks had a sixth inning rally to beat the Marlins.

There have been a lot of 'turning points' so far this year: blowing out Atlanta, the series against the Mets and possibly another one I'm forgetting. I've embraced them all because at the end of the day, this is my team and I want to see them win. I enjoy seeing them win. I'll hold back today though, because it'll take more than a scolding from the manager and one good game to see if maybe something's changed.

Speaking of things that need to change, Melvin, now that you've put your proverbial foot down, would you mind dropping Byrnes from leadoff? Thanks.

It's a mad world

Eric Byrnes has hit a grand slam.

In this crazy new world in which we find ourselves, anything is possible. Down is up, left is right and I fully expect it to begin raining chocolate pudding at any moment.

Before yesterday afternoon, the only thing Byrnes knew about a grand slam was what they serve at Denny's. Now he knows how a major league baseball grand slam feels: less bacon, more glory.

If anyone needed it, it was Byrnes. His batting average for the season was down to .217 and his average for the month of May was so low, I'm embarassed to even type it. It was roughly the equivalent of his annual salary, give or take a few decimal places.

Congratulations, Byrnesie. This is what people expect from you, why you're the face of the franchise. You've earned yourself a couple days of goodwill from me and hopefully this is sign of you turning that slump around for good.

We're on a break

Char: Is it bad that I don't know if I want to watch the Dbacks today?
Trinity: Wow. That is bad.
Char: ANTM is on MTV and I kind of just want to watch that. Plus I'm angry at Eric Byrnes and the rest of them for sucking yesterday
Trinity: Ha! I'm in a fight with the Red Sox. Specifically Papelbon.
Char: Eric Byrnes STRUCK OUT INTO A DOUBLE PLAY
Trinity: Paps GAVE UP TWO RUNS IN THE NINTH.
Trinity: BLEW THE SAVE
Trinity: Two outs, two men on, Sox are up by one and stupid Paps gave up the tying and the go-ahead run.
Char: Well, it happens sometimes....
Trinity: This is his second blown save in a row!
Char: Ouch.
Trinity: Yeah
Char: Eric Byrnes flailed around so much when he struck out that the ump called him on interference. They said he blocked the catcher's throwing lane to second where Augie Ojeda had just stolen second base, so they called Augie out
Char: TWO OUTS ON A SINGLE STRIKE OUT
Trinity: Ugh. Stupid Byrnes!
Char: And Byrnes is FIVE FOR HIS LAST 50 with no walks and no extra base hits
Char: AND HE'S ALWAYS IN THE TOP OF THE ORDER
Char: Angry! I am angry with you, Eric Byrnes!
Trinity: I am too! Just because!
Char: Because he sucks!
Trinity: He does!
Char: Stinking baseball.
Trinity: Srsly.

Wanted dead or alive

WANTED:
Eric Byrnes' hitting ability.
Last seen sometime in early April.
If found please return to Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona.

Brothers From Another Mother

Screencap from yahoo.com

When I saw this image over on Yahoo! I had to do a double-take. I mean, is it just me or somehow, during his time extending his hitting streak to 12 games and helping Arizona win the series with the Giants two games to one, did Eric Byrnes find time to clone himself and trek to Cincinnati (the best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio USA) to go play for the Reds? It's not just me, right?

so it goes

Well, if you're going to lose, lose spectacularly. That seemed to be the attitude in the Diamondbacks' dugout as they were demolished by the Rockies today, 13-5. The mascot for today's crapshoot was pitcher Edgar Gonzalez. In three innings on the mound, Gonzalez allowed three runs, walked two and hit two, including hitting one guy in the head.

The Dbacks followed Gonzalez's example. Though they did score five runs, offense was not there today (notable exceptions: Salazar and Snyder, who finally remembered that he's expected to bat, too). Eric Byrnes took it upon himself to ground out to short at every opportunity. The normally superb Orlando Hudson had trouble baserunning after a hit was ruled an infield fly. Now, I am a bit new at this baseball thing and I did have to look up the infield fly rule. In order to prevent infielders from allowing balls to hit the ground or dropping balls to try and turn double plays, an umpire can declare any infield ball that is catchable through ordinary effort an "infield fly." The batter is automatically out and any baserunners can advance but at their own risk. Now, I don't see why they don't just let them turn the double play, because the batter shouldn't hit that way and I don't think it's fair to punish the batter, especially if the infield fails to make the catch, but that's the rule. But Hudson decided to try and advance, not realizing the batter was out, and caused him to get tagged out.

The bullpen, including previously reliable Pena also suffered a complete meltdown. It was not pretty. And yeah, we were due for a loss. I just don't like to see everything come completely apart. Now, the Dbacks need to put the loss behind them as tomorrow the Big Unit takes the mound in his first start this year against the Giants. And hey, it's the Giants. Your local baseball rec team could beat the Giants right now.