Papelbon Postal Service

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail is going to stop this closer from shutting the door on the Yankees. And giving us all heart attacks in the process. I guess that's what he's good at, though. You really have to give him a lot of credit for what he did last night - he's been called one of the most dynamic closers in baseball, and last night just proves it. I mean, my god. He's up, he's down, he's up, he's down, and after all that time still manages to bring his good stuff. Talk about heart-stopping, nailbiting baseball. Of course, I think it helped that we had a rain delay of over two hours, during which Jeanie Zelasko and her baseball buddies on FOX proceeded to totally play up the forthcoming Pap/A-Rod (I hate A-Rod) matchup. By the time they got back to the ball game, I'm sure I wasn't the only Sox fan in a murderous rage, ready to beat the Yankees into submission and send them back to the clubhouse crying for their mommies.

Which Jonathan Papelbon, closer extrordinaire, summarily did.

But of course we can't give Pap all the credit. Baseball Boyfriend Josh Beckett picked up the W last night, looking like he's finally back in tobacco-chewing, crotch-grabbing, filthy-heat-throwing form after his stint on the DL and a rocky start (and loss) last week against the Blue Jays. He was executing pitches and throwing fucking strikes, that's for sure. He's back to the Josh that I know and love, making short work of the Yanks with only 88 pitches over 6 2/3 innings. Ruthless efficiency, folks. This is why we call him Joshua fucking Beckett.

We can't forget Manny Ramirez, either. Manny being Manny; that is, hitting homers and driving in runs. And losing his cap on the ball field hustling to catch the third out of whatever inning that was. He makes the catch and starts running for the dugout, and on TV the announcers are going "Manny, your hat!" and I'm thinking "It's okay. Ellsbury will get it, because he's made of puppies and sunshine and will probably deliver it to Manny with a big smile, but not until he's managed to clean all the pine tar off of it first, because that's our rookie for ya." And sure enough, not five minutes later the announcers are saying something about Johnny Damon running in the outfield, "but not over Manny's hat. Ellsbury got it for him." Ha!

And finally, I really just want to give David Ortiz a hug. He needs one after yesterday. I'm thinking Ellsbury needs to buy him an ice cream and have a motivational chat with him, because he's in a major slump and it's really kind of sad. How does Big Papi become the not-so-proud owner of the second lowest batting average in major league baseball? People are speculating that his knee is still bothering him, which could be true. No official word on that, though.

Tonight on ESPN: Dice-K takes on Phil Hughes, and Pap gets the night off. He deserves it.

Motivations by Jacoby Ellsbury

Regarding Jacoby buying his team members ice cream in order to convince them to play hard:

Char: And you know Ellsbury offered to buy everybody ice cream too.
Trin: Oh, he so did. Nutty Buddies.
Char: He probably comes into the locker room early and leaves Little Debbies for everyone. Moon Pies from Jacoby.
Trin: Ha!
Char: Jacoby's the kind of guy who probably got notes from his mom in his lunch box.
Trin: I bet he leaves notes for the guys, too. Because you know that they order out and then make him go pick it up, and he writes on all their napkins.
Char: Even little things, "You're appreciated!"
Trin: I'm sure he writes that to the bullpen guys. Because that's what you write when you can't actually think of anything positive about them to say.
Char: Yeah, but it's not like writing "have a good summer" in someone's yearbook. He means it.
Trin: Because he's made of puppies and sunshine.
Char: He is.
Trin: He's like the anti-Beckett. Because Beckett is definitely not made of puppies or sunshine. He eats puppies and hates the sun.
Char: But Beckett's not evil.
Trin: He's not. Just scary.
Char: Beckett makes babies cry but he always feels bad and gives them candy after.
Trin: He does! Because he has a softer side. He's just, you know, Joshua fucking Beckett. He has an image to maintain.
Char: He does.

First Time

From Trinity, last night:

I just took a good look at the Sox game play by play...I don't know what the hell's going on at Fenway but it's bad. Lester didn't get a single K in his 5 innings. And he got charged with a wild pitch. Youk was moved to third and Casey put at first when Lowell got pulled for reasons unknown. Aardsma actually managed to strike a guy out. He went for 1.2 innings before Tito brought Bryan Corey in, which means we're going to be blowing through our joke of a bullpen tonight and we'll probably lose, unless he's smart and brings in Paps. But not even Papelbon can save this one; now we're down by four at the top of the 8th and how the hell are we losing to a team who's current record is something like 0-6? I mean, my god. I'm beginning to wonder if the World Series win was something I dreamed, because we sure as hell aren't playing like champions. What the fuck, Red Sox? What. The. Fuck. At least the Yankees are losing.

And from Char, this morning:

Detroit did get their first win, beating the Red Sox, 7-2. And while performance from players not named Daisuke (how much does Dice-K sound like an energy drink?) hasn't been extraordinary, the truth is that the Tigers weren't going to go 0-162. They had to get the W at some point, I just wish it had been against a different team. After the sweep in Toronto, the Sox have been a little slow out of the gate. I vote Ellsbury works his magic, buys everybody an ice cream and talks them into going out there and playing hard, because gee, they can do it.