Miscellany

It's my favorite time of the year, y'all. That magic moment where baseball season and football season collide. Sundays are the best; I get baseball in the early afternoon and then football all night long! I've been watching the Sox push for the wild card spot and the Pats recreate "Friday Night Lights" for the second time this decade. Little Matt Saracen Cassel isn't too shabby so far. I have my doubts about my boys giving us another (almost) perfect season, but they're not suddenly going to be the 2007 Miami Dolphins, either. Go Pats! Whoo!

Things that have caught my attention lately...

--"Baseball Tonight" last night showing Josh Beckett at his ass-kicking best. Following a pretty spectacular DP, the camera zooms in on Boyfriend just in time to catch him screaming "Yeah, motherfucker!" at the top of his lungs (accompanied, of course, by the requisite fistpump). No sound, but there was no mistaking what was coming out of his mouth. And it's Josh Beckett, so would you really expect anything less?

--"Baseball Tonight" again, this time touting wee Dustin Pedroia as the frontrunner for both the AL MVP and a Gold Glove. Quite honestly, if he doesn't get at least one of those, I'll eat my computer. I mean, have you seen him lately? He's leading the league in batting average, among other things. He might be tiny, but he packs a fucking punch.

--Matt Cassel's start on Sunday against the Jets was his first start since high school. High school! Plus, the Boston Globe keeps using the word "quarterbacked," which is really annoying.

--Gratuitous Conor Jackson picture!

Did you know the team calls him 'Thunderbrows?" I'd believe it.

Duel in the Diamond

So, I'm trying to think of a way to describe last night's game and can't. I went into the game with nothing but pessimism. When friends asked if I thought the Diamondbacks had a chance against the Red Sox, I laughed derisively in response. I mean, they're the Diamondbacks. They tanked, going from the best record in baseball to sitting atop the worst division in the league, in large part because the Dodgers have a habit of losing whenever the Dbacks do. The Diamondbacks can't hit, can't field, and their starting pitching has struggled. Clearly, we were going to get trounced.

But Dan Haren pitched like a rockstar. In what may have been the best pitcher's duel of the season, Beckett blinked first, giving up two runs while Haren threw seven innings of shutout ball. It was a thing of beauty. After Haren made a diving stop on a line drive it was clear that Haren was in it to win it.

Not that the Dbacks didn't get a few lucky breaks. No one told Kevin Youkillis that you're not supposed to catch baseball with your face and was pulled in the fifth with a hell of shiner. Since Sean Casey was sitting in timeout, the Sox had to send in Someguy Moss, whose timely bobble allowed the Dbacks second run to score. And we needed that run, as reliever Jose Pena loaded the bases in the eigth and a sac fly by Elder Drew brought the Sox within one run. Runners at second and third, two outs and Manny at the plate. I was nearly sick. Manny's plate appearance never ended. But then Mark Reynolds made the play of the night, somehow managing to get his glove on a bullet on a line drive. I'm pretty sure I saw Reynolds checking to make sure he still had all his teeth when he got back to the dugout.

What a game. It was amazing.

Oh, that goes for everyone but you, Eric Byrnes who came back from the DL and promptly picked up a gold sombrero, going 0-5. If Melvin puts you in the leadoff spot again tonight, he and I are going to have words.

I don't know what's going to happen in the game tonight. The Sox may come out and score a hundred runs off finesse pitcher Doug Davis (how dissappointed am I that it's not Davis and Lester in Battle: Cancer?) though Davis has been stellar in his last two starts, giving up one run in thirteen innings. Maybe he's due, I don't know. I do know the Sox are probably looking for some payback because they just lost to the Diamondbacks. I do know that Haren and Beckett probably went out and got drunk after all was said and done (they probably had a fierce competion of darts and tiddlywinks and checkers and who knows what else until Beckett won something). I do know that Baby Drew, who is probably crashing with his brother was probably made to sleep in the bathtub and when he protested J.D. told him that he was older, had more homeruns and more RBI and when Stephen was the best player in the league for a month, he could sleep in a big boy bed.

Trin: It's not often that Char's the wordy one and I'm sitting here with nothing much to say, but here I am. For completely different reasons, I really can't think of a way to describe last night's game either. Well, except for this:

I blame Julio Lugo.

Why? Because I can, I guess. I mean, losses like this are usually his fault anyway, he of the 16 errors so far this season. Amazingly enough, he managed not to rack up another couple last night, but I still blame him. He's a good scapegoat. And I can't blame Brandon Moss, I just can't. At the major league level, he's an outfielder. Yeah, he's been playing first for triple-A Pawtucket but it's a whole different level of play in the big club and coming in to make your major league debut at first base the middle of a game like that had to be a little nervewracking. I suppose I could blame Sean Casey for dropping his appeal or for getting in that brawl in the first place, or Mike Lowell for clobbering Youk during that warm up; I mean, there's a lot of blame to be had.

But mostly, I think that offensively it just wasn't our night. Pedroia struck out for the first time in 72 at-bats, reassuring me that no, he's not actually the unknown fifth Cylon. Manny gave us a couple of heart attacks, but nothing of substance. Even red-hot J.D. Drew couldn't produce (but he could catch his brother's fly ball!). I was a little surprised, because generally our guys give Beckett some pretty good run support - probably because they're afraid he'll skin them alive if they don't - but generally our guys aren't facing a pitcher whose only difference from Beckett is more facial hair and fewer hemp necklaces. When Beckett picks up the L, it's because the offense failed to back him up, not for any lack of badassery on his part. Yeah, Dan Haren pitched like a rock star, but Beckett was pretty studly himself. Too bad the rest of the team couldn't back him up.

Tonight, the Sox will put baby phenom Justin Masterson on the mound (4-1, 3.00 ERA). No word on whether Youk will be playing tonight; his CT scan was negative but he had one hell of a shiner last night, so who knows. Maybe we'll actually be able to score some runs without Beckett's evil twin in front of us. We could use a win at home. Hopefully we'll get it tonight, but until then, I'll console myself with this:

My boyfriend struck out more guys than Char's.

Small potatoes, I know. But after last night, I'll take what I can get.

A House Divided: Battle of the Boyfriends

Josh "Commander Kickass" Beckett vs Dan "The Pirate" Haren
7-4, 3.87 ERA 7-4, 3.26 ERA

It's the battle of the Baseball Boyfriends at Fenway Park tonight as the Josh Beckett and the Red Sox take on Dan Haren and the Diamondbacks. The Red Sox are coming off a 5-3, 13 inning win over St. Louis yesterday, in which both teams decimated their bullpen (seriously, I think David Aardsma was the only relief pitcher who didn't play yesterday) after Jonathan Papelbon gave us his best Eric Gagne impression, blowing a one-run lead that we'd worked our asses off to get. Do not want, Paps. Do. Not. Want. Beckett's pitching on seven day's rest, though, so expect to see him locked in, executing pitches, throwing fucking strikes, and whatever other curse words he usually drops at press conferences. As for Haren, he looked good in his last start againt the As, throwing a cutter fastball he kept in his back pocket all year. But it's the split-finger he dominates with, so we'll have to see if he can smoke it by the Sox.

The Diamondbacks just got swept in three games by the Twins. The Dbacks outscored the Twins in the Metrodome (which is so ugly, it looks like they're playing baseball in somebody's rec room) for 24 innings but were never able to pull out a win. The Twins picked an inning a game to throw up a crooked number and the Dbacks could never recover. It's good to have our number-two ace on the mound as the pitching has been especially rough recently. Even Brandon Webb has struggled; after earning the nickname 'The Tourniquet' for his ability to snap a losing streak, his pitching the past few starts has had more holes than a cheese grater. Tonight also sees the return of Eric 'Star of The Eric Byrnes Show' Byrnes after spending three weeks on the 15-day DL with bad hammies. Hopefully, we'll see the return of the good Byrnes, the ten million dollar man (he's the highest paid person on the team who's initials aren't RJ). The Dbacks need a spark, need him to do all the things you can't see in a box score that we pay him so well for (Trin: You mean like flailing around in the batter's box and grounding into double plays? Yeah, I'd like to see that Byrnes, too!).

Both teams are at the top of their respective leagues, Boston leading the AL East at 47-31 and the Dbacks heading the NL West at 39-37. The last time Arizona faced Boston at Fenway was in June of 02, with all three games of the series going to the Dbacks. Can they repeat that? Trin says it's highly unlikely, but she's a Red Sox fan, so she has to say that. She admits, however begrudgingly, that Dan Haren might be the NL's answer to Josh Beckett. Both right-handers are 1-3 in five outings against their respective opponents, with Haren posting a 3.26 ERA against the Sox and Beckett with a 5.65 ERA against the Diamondbacks. Still no word on the rest of tonight's lineups, but we'd be surprised if it didn't include the Drew brothers, Nancy...I mean, J.D. (I can't help it!) and Stephen, aka Baby Drew. Everybody knows that J.D. has been smokin' hot this month; it's like after ten years in the major leagues, he finally decided to actually play. I mean, he's leading the league in home runs for the month of June! And it's been beautiful to watch. Also expected in the Sox lineup is the second coming himself, Dustin Pedroia. Know anyone else who's gone for 69 consecutive at-bats without striking out? We don't (certainly not anyone wearing a Sedona Red uniform). Missing from the lineup will be occasional first baseman Sean "The Mayor" Casey, who begins serving his three-game suspension tonight for his role in the June 5 bench-clearer against the Rays.

The Diamondbacks again find themselves in a position to have a designated hitter (if anyone so much as thinks the name Micah Owings, I will kill you) (Trin: *thinks* Micah Owings!). My guess before the lineup comes out? Chad Tracy. He played the DH in Minnesota and it will be good to get his left-handed bat in there while still allowing Gravity to play first - now that Byrnes is back, no more starts in left field for everyone's favorite gravitational pull.

So in conclusion, it's the Sox vs the Dbacks, and it's totally on.

Miscellany

I feel like a bullet point list tonight.

• Red Sox are up 3-1 at the top of the third. All three of those runs were scored in the first inning. Beckett's pitching. I love when the Sox play the Orioles, because I live in Orioles territory and get to see the entire series. Don't think I'm not still thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow and taking off for Baltimore for the 3pm game. If it weren't nearly state testing time, I'd so do it.
  
• I have yet to watch a Sox game on any channel where the announcers don't spend at least five minutes talking about Dustin Pedroia like he's the second coming. Not that I'm complaining - I love Pee Wee Petey. And Pedroia really has been hot shit so far this season.
  
• Book review! I recently finished reading The Code: Baseball's Unwritten Rules and its Ignore-at-Your-Own-Risk Code of Conduct by Ross Bernstein. It's mostly a collection of anecdotes, all centering around the unnoficial baseball honor code. Things like sliding hard into second, plunking batters, celebrating after home runs, etc. I enjoyed it, even though at times I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over - the code is about honor, respect, and looking out for your teammates. That's pretty clear after the first chapter, so most mentions of those three concepts in the following chapters felt like beating a dead horse at times. The book could have benefitted from more anecdotes, especially from current players. One of the themes of the book seems to be how the code is changing, between more stringent official rules and higher-paid players and various other things, but little is said about what, if anything, ballplayers are doing to compensate for this. But still, an entertaining read that really makes you see some elements of the game in a new light.
  
• Oh look. JD Drew's leaving the game with a wrist injury. Three words for you: Made. Of. Glass.
• In the time it took to write that book review, the Os scored four more runs, making it 3-5 Orioles, bottom of the 3rd. Three of those runs were off a Luke Scott homer. Boyfriend is not happy.
• Baseball books on the ever-expanding list of books to read: One Day at Fenway by Steve Kettman, A Tale of Two Cities: the 2004 Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry and the War for the Pennant by Tony Massarotti and John Harper, and Feeding the Monster: How Money, Smarts, and Nerve Took a Team to the Top by Seth Mnookin. Reviews forthcoming.
• And I think that's all I have for the night. Top of the 6th, score hasn't changed.
  

Papelbon Postal Service

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail is going to stop this closer from shutting the door on the Yankees. And giving us all heart attacks in the process. I guess that's what he's good at, though. You really have to give him a lot of credit for what he did last night - he's been called one of the most dynamic closers in baseball, and last night just proves it. I mean, my god. He's up, he's down, he's up, he's down, and after all that time still manages to bring his good stuff. Talk about heart-stopping, nailbiting baseball. Of course, I think it helped that we had a rain delay of over two hours, during which Jeanie Zelasko and her baseball buddies on FOX proceeded to totally play up the forthcoming Pap/A-Rod (I hate A-Rod) matchup. By the time they got back to the ball game, I'm sure I wasn't the only Sox fan in a murderous rage, ready to beat the Yankees into submission and send them back to the clubhouse crying for their mommies.

Which Jonathan Papelbon, closer extrordinaire, summarily did.

But of course we can't give Pap all the credit. Baseball Boyfriend Josh Beckett picked up the W last night, looking like he's finally back in tobacco-chewing, crotch-grabbing, filthy-heat-throwing form after his stint on the DL and a rocky start (and loss) last week against the Blue Jays. He was executing pitches and throwing fucking strikes, that's for sure. He's back to the Josh that I know and love, making short work of the Yanks with only 88 pitches over 6 2/3 innings. Ruthless efficiency, folks. This is why we call him Joshua fucking Beckett.

We can't forget Manny Ramirez, either. Manny being Manny; that is, hitting homers and driving in runs. And losing his cap on the ball field hustling to catch the third out of whatever inning that was. He makes the catch and starts running for the dugout, and on TV the announcers are going "Manny, your hat!" and I'm thinking "It's okay. Ellsbury will get it, because he's made of puppies and sunshine and will probably deliver it to Manny with a big smile, but not until he's managed to clean all the pine tar off of it first, because that's our rookie for ya." And sure enough, not five minutes later the announcers are saying something about Johnny Damon running in the outfield, "but not over Manny's hat. Ellsbury got it for him." Ha!

And finally, I really just want to give David Ortiz a hug. He needs one after yesterday. I'm thinking Ellsbury needs to buy him an ice cream and have a motivational chat with him, because he's in a major slump and it's really kind of sad. How does Big Papi become the not-so-proud owner of the second lowest batting average in major league baseball? People are speculating that his knee is still bothering him, which could be true. No official word on that, though.

Tonight on ESPN: Dice-K takes on Phil Hughes, and Pap gets the night off. He deserves it.

Motivations by Jacoby Ellsbury

Regarding Jacoby buying his team members ice cream in order to convince them to play hard:

Char: And you know Ellsbury offered to buy everybody ice cream too.
Trin: Oh, he so did. Nutty Buddies.
Char: He probably comes into the locker room early and leaves Little Debbies for everyone. Moon Pies from Jacoby.
Trin: Ha!
Char: Jacoby's the kind of guy who probably got notes from his mom in his lunch box.
Trin: I bet he leaves notes for the guys, too. Because you know that they order out and then make him go pick it up, and he writes on all their napkins.
Char: Even little things, "You're appreciated!"
Trin: I'm sure he writes that to the bullpen guys. Because that's what you write when you can't actually think of anything positive about them to say.
Char: Yeah, but it's not like writing "have a good summer" in someone's yearbook. He means it.
Trin: Because he's made of puppies and sunshine.
Char: He is.
Trin: He's like the anti-Beckett. Because Beckett is definitely not made of puppies or sunshine. He eats puppies and hates the sun.
Char: But Beckett's not evil.
Trin: He's not. Just scary.
Char: Beckett makes babies cry but he always feels bad and gives them candy after.
Trin: He does! Because he has a softer side. He's just, you know, Joshua fucking Beckett. He has an image to maintain.
Char: He does.