That just happened

At one point during last night's Red Sox/Orioles game -

Wait. Can we really call it a game? More like a meltdown of the highest order. I mean, we went from spanking the Orioles to being on the wrong end of the biggest comeback in the franchise's history. Last night's game was epic, and not in a good way. And for once, nobody can blame Julio Lugo.

I'll bet he's relieved.

I certainly hope that after last night's dreadful performance, Tito sat the bullpen down and gave them what we in the education industry call a "Come to Jesus" meeting. You know, one of those ones where your teacher sits you down and goes "Look, you're great and all, but..." followed by a blessing out that could make the toughest of grown men cry (I do this a lot in my job; I'm pretty good at it). Because come on! There's no excuse for last night. Rain, schmain. Before the rain delay, we were 10-1. Then the bullpen happened. Let's take a look at the worst offenders:

Justin Masterson: 2IP, 5H, 5R
Hideki Okajima: 0.1IP, 5H, 4R

Seriously? Seriously!

In between those two embarrassing outings, Manny Delcarmen came on and managed not to screw anything up, but it didn't do any good. Then Takashi Saito tried to stop the hit parade, but only managed to make things worse.

Enter Jonathan Papelbon, intrepid closer. Even the Papelstare couldn't save this one. The Os managed to score two off him in the 8th, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads in bewilderment. What happened to the best bullpen in the AL? They gave up 10 runs over two innings. TWO. Which, you know, is a pretty impressive feat, just not one anyone wants to see. So this afternoon we turn to our ace, Baseball Boyfriend himself, Josh Beckett. No pressure there, Commander Kickass. He's 5-0 in games after losses this season, so there's hope. And that's what being a Red Sox fan is all about. Hope.

Last night felt kind of like being in Oz. Let's hope Beckett's able to take us back to Kansas.

How do you score a homebunt?

Char: Here, read what happened in the Dbacks game today, this'll get you going.
Char: E. Aybar reached on bunt single to pitcher, E. Aybar to second on pitcher D. Davis' throwing error, E. Aybar scored on right fielder J. Upton's throwing error.
Char: INSIDE THE PARK HOMERUN.
Trinity: Yay!!!
Char: By a guy who was BUNTING!
Trinity: Wait.
Char: No, this is bad.
Trinity: Oops
Trinity: Boooooooo.
Char: BUNTING!
Char: HE WAS BUNTING!
Trinity: lmao.
Trinity: Homebunt!
Char: ok, lol.
Char: I am so glad i wasn't watching'we lost, 2-1.
Char: BECAUSE OF A BUNT!
Char: HE SCORED ON A BUNT!
Trinity: Homebunt!
Char: Heee.
Char: You're not appeciating my pain!
Trinity: But it's funny!
Char: It is funny.
Char: Why couldn't it have happened to the Dodgers?
Trinity: Because the universe is conspiring against the Dbacks, duh.
Char: Well, we have added another body to the DL.
Char: People are dropping faster than pitchers in the WBC.
Trinity: lmao!
Char: Eric Byrnes fractured his hand.
Trinity: Boo Byrnes.

How not to throw a baseball

Okay. Let's see here.

Boston Red Sox starting rotation:
Josh Beckett: 7-3, 4.15 ERA. Off to a rocky start, but slowly returning to the Baseball Boyfriend I know and love.

Tim Wakefield: 9-3, 4.39 ERA. Has been pitching like a rock star lately - who saw that coming?

Brad Penny: 6-2, 4.94 ERA. Not too shabby for a middle-of-the-rotation guy. He does what he does.

Jon Lester: 5-6, 4.69 ERA. I've got faith he'll get better.

Daisuke Matsuzaka?


ETA: According to the ESPN Gamecast, Dice-K's ERA, over the course of four innings, has blossomed to an impressive 8.23. Someone remind me why we keep him around.

Goonies never say die*

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? You get two baseball teams who refuse to give in or give up. This week, the Diamondbacks spanked the Cubs two games and were sent home crying for their mamas in one. For those of you playing along at home, that means the Dbacks won their second series in a row.

Game one was another gem by Dan Haren. He began the night by giving up a leadoff homerun and ended the night with a three-hitter. His last hit of the night was also a solo homerun, ballooning his season ERA to 1.54 The other hit was by Ted Lilly, but you know Danny. He had quite enough of Cubbies on his basepaths and set the rest of the team back down.

Cubs pitcher Lilly - famous for slamming his glove down after giving up a homer to Chris Young in the 2007 playoffs - well, let's just say that while he didn't slam his glove, he did drop a few choice words after allowing Chris Snyder's first homerun of the year and after Dan Haren helped himself to an RBI double. And for the first time this year, the Diamondbacks really seemed to be having fun.

The Carlos Zambrano happened. He dominated on the mound. He hit a homerun. And I don't want to talk about it.

Yesterday though, yesterday Cubs pitchers couldn't find the strike zone with both hands and a map, while Doug Davis and the bullpen combined for the shut out. Hey! I just used the word bullpen and shutout in the same sentence! Awesome. The game was out of reach for the Cubs when their closer (in for the seventh inning to get some work) walked two, intentionally walked Chad Tracy to load the bases with one out, hoping Mark Reynolds would hit into a double play. Instead, Reynolds also walked. And so did Conor Jackson (Gravity would also have an RBI BB in the eighth). And then Justin Upton cleared the bases with a double.

Although the Diamondbacks still haven't been able to string together more than two wins in a row, they are up two series now for the first time. Best of all, the team is showing signs of life and it feels good to know that the season isn't dead on arrival. It's a great way for the team to hopefully gain some confidence going forward.

*Which Diamondbacks player is what Goonie?

Chris Snyder: Brand
Eric Byrnes: Steph
Conor Jackson: Mouth
Bob Melvin: Data
Stephen Drew: Andie
Tony Clark: Chunk
Justin Upton: Mikey

Lou Pinella: Mama Fratelli

Sound the trumpets

Trinity: Mike Lowell had SIX rbis today.
Char: Holy crap.
Trinity: Yeah.
Char: He was on FIRE.
Char: God, no wonder they won.
Trinity: LOL. And Tek his hit fourth homer of the season, and Ellsbury hit his first
Char: Yay!
Trinity: Yeah. All of a sudden, Tek is a stud who hits bombs. Who knew?
Char: Byrnes homered today too.
Trinity: Isn't this a sign of the apocalypse?
Char: No, Jon Rauch appearing in scoreless innings two games in a row is, so you better start counting horsemen
Trinity: LMAO.

You wouldn't like him when he's angry

So, you know the Hulk? Big green guy, you wouldn't like him when he's angry, etc.? Well, let's just say Edward Norton's got nothing on Dan Haren. The guy is seriously a second away from erupting off the mound, skin a bright Sedona red and his clothes tearing away, leaving him in only a ragged pair of baseball pants.

You wouldn't like Dan Haren when he's angry and the poor guy is definitely starting to get a little hot under the collar.

On a personal note, I've managed to fulfill twelve months of wanting by getting to see a Dan Haren start in person when Trinity and I made like Annie Savoy and worshipped at the church of baseball - see her awesome post about it. Watching him pitch in person is a delight. Not only did we get to see his unusual delivery - Haren pitches slowly, freezing in the top of his windup like Neo just before he dodges a bullet. I've described it before as Dan Haren pitches like he's standing undwerwater: languid and slow. No one that graceful should be so devasting. The man is a beast and I love it.

If he is a beast though, he's one that's about two seconds away from trampling you to death. You can see him seethe. The Dodgers invented a run - turns out if a runner fails to tag up, you have to protest before you leave the field in order for the runner to be called out. Essentially, the Dodgers scored on the fourth out. Damn Dodgers, of course they did. And afterwards Dan Haren was practically blowing steam from his ears. You could make a cup of tea just by setting a mug of water on top of the man's head. It was obvious he blamed himself for the situation, since he was the one who allowed the baserunners to begin with. He tore through the lineup after that and the Dodgers didn't score against him again.

In return, the Diamondbacks' offense gave him a measly one run of support - a season high actually, after the zero runs he recieved a few days before.

Getting the offense to score in games Haren starts has been like pulling teeth. You'd think the team didn't want to win and personally, I wouldn't be surprised to see Dan Haren taking extra batting practice, because clearly, he's going to have to do everything himself.

It was the same old problem again last night. Haren worked over the Giants, giving up only one lousy run. In return, Mad Scientis Melvin pulled him in the seventh for a pinch hitter after only 79 pitches. We were approaching the Hulk line. Haren walked immediately into the clubhouse while San Fransico made a pitching change of his own. He returned to the dugout, folding his arms over the railing at the top step and resting his chin on his hands to see Tony Clark fly out to left in his place. The team never did manage to score a run.

Dan Haren now has an ERA of 1.89, a WHIP of .789 and record of 0-3. At this rate, Dan Haren will become the first pitcher in history to win the Cy Young with a losing record.

The Diamondbacks better get him some runs, or he just might hurt somebody.

In baseball we trust

Easter Sunday. Most people spend it in their Sunday best, singing hymns and listening to a priest drone on about the miracle of Christ's resurrection (I'm Catholic and we're famous for monotonous preaching; excuse me if I'm a little biased here)... I remember being a little kid on Easter Sunday, going to Mass in my new Easter dress and stiff patent leather shoes, wearing itchy white tights and a hat that never wanted to stay on. It was all ridiculously uncomfortable and unbelievably boring, but that was how I spent all my Easter Sundays for many, many years. As I grew up, I ditched the hat and tights and sometimes even wore a nice pantsuit instead (gasp! Pants in church!), but for all these years it's basically been the same ritual, over and over.

Until this year. This year, I made a pilgrimage to Arizona, where my fearless partner-in-blogging Char and I spent Easter Sunday worshiping at the church of baseball. There were no hymns (unless you count Take Me Out To the Ballgame, which I do), no robotic priest, no resurrection - the Dbacks were down by two in the third on some silly obscure baseball rule and never managed to recover - but I did have a brand new hat and my baseball Sunday best, by which, of course, I mean an awesome Dbacks hat and a Conor Jackson t-shirt. Instead of communion, there were hot dogs and cheese fries. Instead of a sermon, there was announcing and cheering and lots of boos for Manny Ramirez. No worship music, just entrance music. And upon the altar? None other than Char's baseball boyfriend himself, Dan "Pirate Hair" Haren. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday, really. Granted, Chase Field isn't a cathedral like, say, Fenway or Wrigley Field. In the world of baseball, Chase is more like one of those non-denominational mega-churches, the ones you drive by in town and go "really? That's a church? it's so...modern." Because really, what's more modern than a stadium with both a retractible roof and a pool in the outfield?

Going to Fenway is like going to Mass. You're a Sox fan, the guy next to you is a Sox fan, everyone around you is a Sox fan with the exception of the occasional out-of-town team fan who sits and looks awkward while everyone stands up for the last out - kind of like the few non-Catholics who get dragged to Mass by friends or spouses and look out of place sitting in the pew while everyone else gets up for Communion. That's Fenway. At Chase, though - again, it's a non-denominational mega-church. We had unbelievable seats - 12 rows behind the Dbacks dugout; we could see facial expressions and sweat and the ball as it crossed home plate. The people next to us were Dbacks fans, but the people in front of us? Dodgers fans. And they weren't the only ones, either. There was quite a bit of Dodger blue in the stands, something you'd never see at Fenway. In a way, though, it was a lot more comfortable. Chase is the kind of place where you go to see your favorite team play, be they the home team or the visiting team, and either way you have a great time because you got to see your boys on the field. It doesn't have the intensity of Fenway, where the seats are stuffed full of rabid Sox fans who want their team to win so much that every moment seems to be do or die. Chase was a lot more relaxed; all you have to do is kick back (literally; I was able to put my feet up on the seat in front of me and it was awesome), relax, and watch some baseball. Nobody really cares what team you're cheering for, because it's not about that so much as it is just enjoying a day at the ballpark. Sit in the sunshine, eat a hot dog, stare at Conor Jackson's ass when he's up to bat...good times.

Last year's trip to Fenway was like going to Mass at the Vatican. I'm glad I did it, but I don't know if I'd do it again. Going to Chase felt more like going to this Unitarian church I went to once - nobody really cared what you wore or how you expressed yourself; it was enough just to come together to worship - at the altar of baseball, that is.

PS: Thus lending further credibility to the theory that Josh Beckett and Dan Haren are really the same person, the Red Sox lost on Easter Sunday with Beckett on the mound. I'm just sayin'.

So. That happened.

The first series of the year is completed - an interesting feeling after the long offseason, as if your psyche has to relearn how to handle the ups and downs of rooting for a proffessional sports team. For instance, if you told me that opening day would have Brandon Webb getting knocked around for six runs in a slugfest and that the next day Dan Haren would throw a three-hitter, one-run effort and still lose, I'd laugh in your face.

The Diamondbacks did lose the series though, in all the old familiar ways. The offense sputtered and then collapsed on the field, gasping choking for one last breath of life. Jon Rauch happened. New season means new hope but it felt like watching the same team that came apart down the stretch last September.

But all is not lost! (I mean, it's only been three games for crying-out-loud). Dan Haren is a beast, who continues to prove Trinity's theory that the only difference between him and Josh Beckett is some facial hair and half-a-dozen hemp necklaces. Sweet Jesus, I love this man. Trinity and I are taking a pilgrimedge to Chase Field Easter Sunday to watch Haren take on the Dodgers.

Also promising: Felipe Lopez. He had two homeruns on Mon and made a great play yesterday. I like you, Felipe Lopez.

I have other things to post about sometime, like why I can never remember what Baby Drew looks like and how Conor Jackson is totally the type to get drunk and go walk around the 99 Cent Store, but those are other thoughts for another time. Right now let's make like Barack Obama and reflect that hope springs eternal. Example: I eternally hope we beat the Dodgers.

Winter's end

Ladies and gentleman, our long nightmare is over. At last, the icy grip of winter has melted away, bathing us in spring greens and pinks and golds. Baseball season is finally here and summer's just over the horizon.

For most of us. It's a bad day to be a footwear related sports team: both the Red Sox and White Sox openers have been postponed due to weather.

Whatever. Here in sunny Arizona it's 75 degrees and time to play ball. Brandon Webb takes the hill this afternoon in the Diamondbacks' first opener at home since 2005.

The heartbreak of last season is replaced with 162 games of hope and most experts predict the Diamondbacks and Dodgers to be fighting for the division until the fall. If the Dbacks want to take it all, here's what needs to happen:

• We need Eric Byrnes back at full-health and, more importantly, full-speed. He may be an overpaid fourth outfielder, but Byrnes always plays to win. We need him hitting strong and tearing up the basepaths.
• We need to cut back on Vitamin K. It's no secret the Diamondbacks were plagued by strikeouts. Mark Reynolds seems to approach every at bat like he's going to knock in a five-run homer. He led the league in Ks and that's not the kind of thing you want to repeat. Time to start working the productive at bats and get on base. Sometimes, lacing a double into the corners is better than going yard. Stop looking for home runs and start making contact.
• We need the bullpen to improve. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to throw up every time Jon Rauch comes into a game. A girl can only take so many antacids and watching the game while trying to cover my eyes isn't any fun. Get better. We've got the best 1-2 punch in the league, let's continue what they've started.
• We need to break out. With the exception of Baby Drew, the rest of the starters were always this close to getting to the next level. Waiting time is over and I know this squad's got the skills. Time for not only Justin Upton (why don't we call him Baby Upton?) but Chris Young as well to...step up to the plate as it were. I love these boys and I want to see them play to their full potential. This also goes for Gravity and Balls of Steel Snyder.
• We need the management to be smart. I know they like to call Bob Melvin the Mad Scientist but can we downgrade the wackiness? Maybe he can be something a little less out there, like the Eccentric Tinkerer or something. Melvin, I don't want to start tearing at my hair and yelling "what are you doing?!" when you do something crazy. At least we finally sent Chris Burke packing, so that's one affectation I don't have to worry about anymore.

So there it is.

Oh, and one more thing.

Go Dbacks!

The Shooting Gallery

Trinity and I have been following the WBC - well, more myself than Trinity since the poor thing temporarily lost access to the MLB Network (tell me, how did we survive before this channel? I'm a devout viewer; if my roommate comes home to find me watching it one more time, she may just kill me). It's been a lot of fun - and a great way to watch some baseball while we're still in the offseason. The highlight was watching the Netherlands. Cheering for the underdog is an American tradition and I was all for the Dutch, who defeated the Domincan Republic twice. Watching the Dutch play was intense - no matter how much trouble they got in, the bottom just refused to drop out; you keep waiting for their inevitable crushing to happen only it never does. Eventually though, the fighting Netherlands were eliminated by whichever members of Team USA still have full use of their limbs.

To say that the Americans have struggled with injuries is like saying Brad Pitt is only mildly good looking. Seems like everyday another one bites the dust. Last night, the only bench player they had left was the backup catcher. I expect to get a phone call recruiting volunteers to join the team any day now. The tough part is that injuries risk players being ready to start the season and make it harder for managers to support sending their guys to the tournament in the future. It's a shame - the WBC's been fun and it's great to see so many players from different teams interacting. If the tournament is to survive, Americans need and deserve to see their best players on what should be the world's grandest stage.

Fouk Yu!

Trinity here. You know what I find fascinating about baseball players? The facial hair. I'm not normally a facial hair kind of person, but watching ballplayers with their ever-changing beard holds some kind of strange sway over me. I don't know what it is. You can tell a lot about a player by his facial hair, though. Take, for instance, wee Dustin Pedroia (who, incidentally, is in these awesome commercials for MLB '09 The Show). You know how you can tell that Dusty's having a hitting streak? He stops shaving. The further up his cheeks the stubble goes, the longer he's gone without an out. And then there's Dan "Pirate Hair" Haren, who seemingly doesn't shave unless he loses. As good as he is, that usually results in a mountain man look - complete with neck beard - that makes you wonder sometimes if he's going to start showing up on the mound in a flannel shirt and work boots.

*sings* He's a lumberjack and he's okay; he pitches all night and he works all day...

While we're on the subject of facial hair, I should mention that Josh Beckett and his soul patch are having a decent spring training so far. But the real focus here is poor Kevin Youkilis. Youk...well, he's not doing so well, and not only is his ego taking a beating this spring, but so's his chin. I present to you...

The Incredible Shrinking Goatee! (Or the Incredible Expanding Chin, whichever you prefer)

This is Youk last year. Good year for the Greek God of Walks:

Notice the multitude of chin hairs. Clearly, this is a happy Kevin Youkilis.

Next we have Youk at the start of spring training:

New season, new look. He dubbed this the "Youk-Fu." Clever.

And then this happened. Says Joe McDonald of The Providence Journal:

"Something was bothering Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis Saturday morning.
His walked at a serious pace into the clubhouse after leaving the batting cage, threw his bat into his locker and yelled a couple of curse words before storming off to the back room.
He emerged a little while later without his signature goatee."

Oh, Youk-Fu. We hardly knew ye. So what happens the next time Youk has a bad day? No more eyebrows? That's pretty much the only hair left on his head.

In other news, does anyone have 8.5 million dollars I could borrow? Manny Ramirez is selling his Boston condo and apparently my Baseball Boyfriend is his neighbor. This is the perfect opportunity for Beckett to discover that I exist! Just have to scrape up a huge wad of cash...

I'll get right on that.

This where you get tickets to the bandwagon? One please.

It's slightly unusual to be posting on a baseball blog when the state of Arizona is currently football crazy (I don't know if you've heard, but the Cardinals are in the Super Bowl), but there's been a lot of talk about bandwagoning recently because of it. You know what I say to accusations people only like the Cardinals because they're winning?

So what? That's what I say. So what?

By that definition, I am a bandwagon jumper. Yeah, you heard me. I'm a bandwagon fan. Definition of one, actually. My foray into true baseball fandom began during the 2007 postseason when the Diamondbacks went to the NLCS and the Red Sox won the whole shebang.

In the 2008 season, I watched all but a handful of the Diamonbacks' games on television, saw three games in person at Chase Field and flew across the country to see the Red Sox at Fenway.

So what's so wrong with the bandwagon? The 2007 postseason put the taste of the sport in my mouth, reminded me how it felt to cheer for something. It flipped a switch.

I love the game of baseball. I love it just as much as I would if I'd been following it my whole life. This is my sport so thank goodness for the bandwagon.

If a succesful team brings people to the sport, then I approve. Some of them may discover a passion. Some of them may just remember how it feels to root for a team and they'll look back on that team fondly. Happy memories are never bad, no matter how genuine some people feel they are. People will remember this Cardinals team well and maybe they'll remember sport in general as well. Maybe if they have free time, they'll swing by Chase and catch a Diamondbacks game or check the Cardinals score in the newspaper next year. Anytime a local sports teams win, it's good for all the others, it's good for improving the reputation of Phoenix as a sports town.

I'll never follow football like I follow baseball, but I hope like hell the Cards win. It's never wrong to have a reason to celebrate.

Okay, now that sanctimonius preaching is over, there is baseball on the horizon. Got the Dbacks Hometown Tour and FanFest coming up and Spring Training is on the way. I'm hoping to post some kind of retrospective/preview in the next few weeks.

Rumours of our death have been greatly exaggerated.