VORSing the BMGM on Opening Day

We could play Opening Day bingo. I could feed my text into the Baseball Metaphor Generating Machine (it works by adjusting Value Over Replacement Simile) and talk about hope springing eternal. But let’s skip it. Especially since hope isn’t springing. Hope has sprung.

There’s a definite feeling among the team and the fans that this is the Diamondbacks’ year. The front office has made it very clear that they’re in win now mode -- you can tell because that’s the only way to justify spending $7.5 million on Jason Kubel just after Gerrado Parra wins a Gold Glove in left field. The front office wants to go to the World Series. Kirk Gibson wants it, the players want it, and the fans want it. This is it.

Which is why I was walking through Chase Field nearly vibrating with excitement and proclaiming, “It’s all happening!” over and over to a friend. Opening Day wasn’t about hope for me but about the exciting arrival of a day you’ve been looking forward to for a very long time. It’s Christmas. It’s getting on the plane to Disneyland after months of counting down the days. Something very good has been coming our way and it’s finally here..

And it was good. I got the chills as fighter jets flew over Chase Field (is there a dramatic flyover corps in the Air Force because if that’s all they do, it’s a pretty sweet gig). I sat in the sun. I dripped ice cream down the front of my brand new customized jersey. And I watched the Diamondbacks win.

Tim Lincecum, making poor choices, said leading into Opening ay that the first series was important, that it would set a certain tone after the defending World Series champs not only lost the division to Arizona but the Dbacks clinched the division while playing the Giants at home at Chase.

Timmy thought the games would make a statement and they did. They stated that Arizona is in this thing, that predictions of the Giants to walk over the division on the strength of their pitching and the return of Buster Posey riding a unicorn sent by God on a mission to deliver the Giants with championships were premature. The Diamondbacks sent a resounding message that if anyone wants to take the division, they’re going to have to fight.

Because, let’s face it, the games weren’t great. I was at the park Friday and Saturday and watched most of Sunday’s on TV. In the words of Cher Horowitz, the series was a complete Monet: okay from far away but up close it’s a total mess. The pitching was only all right, good enough when it needed to be. Kennedy and Hudson were just okay, Collmenter had a complete meltdown that has almost everybody reaching for the panic button. But Wade Miley saved the day on Sunday by refusing to allow any more runs and the Diamondbacks, comeback kings of 2011 rallied from being down 6-0 to win 6-7.

And the Giants esteemed pitching looked shaky. Lincecum in particular struggled - even I pointed out his loss in velocity. Goldy still owns him too, a storyline I look forward to following with glee.

But the point is that even if they win dirty, this team is going to win. That they’re good enough to do it. That they refuse to be written off. And besides the sheer delight of handing smug Giants their first 0-3 start in decades, that’s what I’m taking away from the series.

I’ve already sprung.

It’s going to be a fantastic season.

You wouldn't like him when he's angry

So, you know the Hulk? Big green guy, you wouldn't like him when he's angry, etc.? Well, let's just say Edward Norton's got nothing on Dan Haren. The guy is seriously a second away from erupting off the mound, skin a bright Sedona red and his clothes tearing away, leaving him in only a ragged pair of baseball pants.

You wouldn't like Dan Haren when he's angry and the poor guy is definitely starting to get a little hot under the collar.

On a personal note, I've managed to fulfill twelve months of wanting by getting to see a Dan Haren start in person when Trinity and I made like Annie Savoy and worshipped at the church of baseball - see her awesome post about it. Watching him pitch in person is a delight. Not only did we get to see his unusual delivery - Haren pitches slowly, freezing in the top of his windup like Neo just before he dodges a bullet. I've described it before as Dan Haren pitches like he's standing undwerwater: languid and slow. No one that graceful should be so devasting. The man is a beast and I love it.

If he is a beast though, he's one that's about two seconds away from trampling you to death. You can see him seethe. The Dodgers invented a run - turns out if a runner fails to tag up, you have to protest before you leave the field in order for the runner to be called out. Essentially, the Dodgers scored on the fourth out. Damn Dodgers, of course they did. And afterwards Dan Haren was practically blowing steam from his ears. You could make a cup of tea just by setting a mug of water on top of the man's head. It was obvious he blamed himself for the situation, since he was the one who allowed the baserunners to begin with. He tore through the lineup after that and the Dodgers didn't score against him again.

In return, the Diamondbacks' offense gave him a measly one run of support - a season high actually, after the zero runs he recieved a few days before.

Getting the offense to score in games Haren starts has been like pulling teeth. You'd think the team didn't want to win and personally, I wouldn't be surprised to see Dan Haren taking extra batting practice, because clearly, he's going to have to do everything himself.

It was the same old problem again last night. Haren worked over the Giants, giving up only one lousy run. In return, Mad Scientis Melvin pulled him in the seventh for a pinch hitter after only 79 pitches. We were approaching the Hulk line. Haren walked immediately into the clubhouse while San Fransico made a pitching change of his own. He returned to the dugout, folding his arms over the railing at the top step and resting his chin on his hands to see Tony Clark fly out to left in his place. The team never did manage to score a run.

Dan Haren now has an ERA of 1.89, a WHIP of .789 and record of 0-3. At this rate, Dan Haren will become the first pitcher in history to win the Cy Young with a losing record.

The Diamondbacks better get him some runs, or he just might hurt somebody.

Poor Chris Snyder

Seriously, just what does the guy have to do to win a ball game? After a very uncharacteristic passed ball on strike three requires a fourth out in the inning, he makes up for it, coming back later in the game to smash a two-run homer that ties the game at 4-4. He roars into the dugout screaming, obviously pumped and desperate to inject a little fire into his team.

"Let's go!" he screams, tearing down the steps and into the arms of his waiting teammates. But the Diamondbacks fail to add on and in the bottom of the ninth with the score still tied, the go-ahead run crosses the plate when the throw from right field isn't quick enough to give Snyder enough time to make the catch and then twist his body, turning around in a desperate attempt to make the tag. Giants win.

Poor Chris Snyder.

And in the meantime, the Dodgers are getting tired of these of the motherfucking snakes on their motherfucking pennant race and move 2.5 games up.

He's number two

In the midst of the Dbacks slump (which I'm not going to talk about right now because first, I don't want to think about getting swept by the Giants and losing last night to the Nationals and second, I want them all to go into their clubhouse and think about what they've done) their was one bright shining moment. One thing that left me excited and smiling:

Randy Johnson tied Roger Clemens for number two on the all-time strikeout list. He now has 4,672, good enough to share the second spot - for now. Barring any freak occurances, Johnson should surpass Clemens for second to Nolan Ryan on his next start.

Johnson came close to strikeout number 4,673 more than once, getting to strike two on three batters while the small crowd got to its feet and roared. He was able to get the outs but not the strikes. No matter. That will come in a few days.

I really enjoyed watching him go for the record. I've always counted myself that in a time where I didn't follow baseball regularly, I just happened to be watching the night Johnson threw his perfect game.

It's been an honor watching him make history.

A bit of tomfoolery

I came across this today and thought it was worth linking to. Just a bit of lightheartedness, and we need a bit of that around here since the Dbacks lost 6-3 to the Giants and the Sox lost to the Mariners. The other thing the Sox lost was Dice-K to shoulder fatigue.

Anyway, we could use a laugh.

How Me Breaking Up With You Is Like Jon Lester Pitching A No-Hitter Against the Royals.

Growing Pains

Photo courtesy of the Associated Press

See those feet? That's third baseman Mark Reynolds, going flying over the the photo well rail after a foul ball. He was slow to get up but from what I know, was uninjured.

The Diamondbacks lost to the Giants 4-5. Big Unit Randy Johnson had a reasonable start, striking out seven but allowing four walks. The loss rest squarely on the shoulders of the defense, especially on the errors from Sheriff Mark Reynolds and Baby Drew.

Eric Byrnes extended his hitting streak to 10 games, shocking the hell out of me because if I had a dollar for everytime he grounded out to shortstop, I'd have a lot more dollars than I have right now. But apparently the Mop-Haired One can hit.

Oh, and a salute to David Ortiz who had not one but two base hits in the Red Sox's nailbiter victory over the Indians last night. Maybe Big Papi got his mojo back.

so it goes

Well, if you're going to lose, lose spectacularly. That seemed to be the attitude in the Diamondbacks' dugout as they were demolished by the Rockies today, 13-5. The mascot for today's crapshoot was pitcher Edgar Gonzalez. In three innings on the mound, Gonzalez allowed three runs, walked two and hit two, including hitting one guy in the head.

The Dbacks followed Gonzalez's example. Though they did score five runs, offense was not there today (notable exceptions: Salazar and Snyder, who finally remembered that he's expected to bat, too). Eric Byrnes took it upon himself to ground out to short at every opportunity. The normally superb Orlando Hudson had trouble baserunning after a hit was ruled an infield fly. Now, I am a bit new at this baseball thing and I did have to look up the infield fly rule. In order to prevent infielders from allowing balls to hit the ground or dropping balls to try and turn double plays, an umpire can declare any infield ball that is catchable through ordinary effort an "infield fly." The batter is automatically out and any baserunners can advance but at their own risk. Now, I don't see why they don't just let them turn the double play, because the batter shouldn't hit that way and I don't think it's fair to punish the batter, especially if the infield fails to make the catch, but that's the rule. But Hudson decided to try and advance, not realizing the batter was out, and caused him to get tagged out.

The bullpen, including previously reliable Pena also suffered a complete meltdown. It was not pretty. And yeah, we were due for a loss. I just don't like to see everything come completely apart. Now, the Dbacks need to put the loss behind them as tomorrow the Big Unit takes the mound in his first start this year against the Giants. And hey, it's the Giants. Your local baseball rec team could beat the Giants right now.