Josh "Commander Kickass" Beckett vs Dan "The Pirate" Haren
7-4, 3.87 ERA 7-4, 3.26 ERA
It's the battle of the Baseball Boyfriends at Fenway Park tonight as the Josh Beckett and the Red Sox take on Dan Haren and the Diamondbacks. The Red Sox are coming off a 5-3, 13 inning win over St. Louis yesterday, in which both teams decimated their bullpen (seriously, I think David Aardsma was the only relief pitcher who didn't play yesterday) after Jonathan Papelbon gave us his best Eric Gagne impression, blowing a one-run lead that we'd worked our asses off to get. Do not want, Paps. Do. Not. Want. Beckett's pitching on seven day's rest, though, so expect to see him locked in, executing pitches, throwing fucking strikes, and whatever other curse words he usually drops at press conferences. As for Haren, he looked good in his last start againt the As, throwing a cutter fastball he kept in his back pocket all year. But it's the split-finger he dominates with, so we'll have to see if he can smoke it by the Sox.
The Diamondbacks just got swept in three games by the Twins. The Dbacks outscored the Twins in the Metrodome (which is so ugly, it looks like they're playing baseball in somebody's rec room) for 24 innings but were never able to pull out a win. The Twins picked an inning a game to throw up a crooked number and the Dbacks could never recover. It's good to have our number-two ace on the mound as the pitching has been especially rough recently. Even Brandon Webb has struggled; after earning the nickname 'The Tourniquet' for his ability to snap a losing streak, his pitching the past few starts has had more holes than a cheese grater. Tonight also sees the return of Eric 'Star of The Eric Byrnes Show' Byrnes after spending three weeks on the 15-day DL with bad hammies. Hopefully, we'll see the return of the good Byrnes, the ten million dollar man (he's the highest paid person on the team who's initials aren't RJ). The Dbacks need a spark, need him to do all the things you can't see in a box score that we pay him so well for (Trin: You mean like flailing around in the batter's box and grounding into double plays? Yeah, I'd like to see that Byrnes, too!).
Both teams are at the top of their respective leagues, Boston leading the AL East at 47-31 and the Dbacks heading the NL West at 39-37. The last time Arizona faced Boston at Fenway was in June of 02, with all three games of the series going to the Dbacks. Can they repeat that? Trin says it's highly unlikely, but she's a Red Sox fan, so she has to say that. She admits, however begrudgingly, that Dan Haren might be the NL's answer to Josh Beckett. Both right-handers are 1-3 in five outings against their respective opponents, with Haren posting a 3.26 ERA against the Sox and Beckett with a 5.65 ERA against the Diamondbacks. Still no word on the rest of tonight's lineups, but we'd be surprised if it didn't include the Drew brothers, Nancy...I mean, J.D. (I can't help it!) and Stephen, aka Baby Drew. Everybody knows that J.D. has been smokin' hot this month; it's like after ten years in the major leagues, he finally decided to actually play. I mean, he's leading the league in home runs for the month of June! And it's been beautiful to watch. Also expected in the Sox lineup is the second coming himself, Dustin Pedroia. Know anyone else who's gone for 69 consecutive at-bats without striking out? We don't (certainly not anyone wearing a Sedona Red uniform). Missing from the lineup will be occasional first baseman Sean "The Mayor" Casey, who begins serving his three-game suspension tonight for his role in the June 5 bench-clearer against the Rays.
The Diamondbacks again find themselves in a position to have a designated hitter (if anyone so much as thinks the name Micah Owings, I will kill you) (Trin: *thinks* Micah Owings!). My guess before the lineup comes out? Chad Tracy. He played the DH in Minnesota and it will be good to get his left-handed bat in there while still allowing Gravity to play first - now that Byrnes is back, no more starts in left field for everyone's favorite gravitational pull.
So in conclusion, it's the Sox vs the Dbacks, and it's totally on.
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