That just happened

At one point during last night's Red Sox/Orioles game -

Wait. Can we really call it a game? More like a meltdown of the highest order. I mean, we went from spanking the Orioles to being on the wrong end of the biggest comeback in the franchise's history. Last night's game was epic, and not in a good way. And for once, nobody can blame Julio Lugo.

I'll bet he's relieved.

I certainly hope that after last night's dreadful performance, Tito sat the bullpen down and gave them what we in the education industry call a "Come to Jesus" meeting. You know, one of those ones where your teacher sits you down and goes "Look, you're great and all, but..." followed by a blessing out that could make the toughest of grown men cry (I do this a lot in my job; I'm pretty good at it). Because come on! There's no excuse for last night. Rain, schmain. Before the rain delay, we were 10-1. Then the bullpen happened. Let's take a look at the worst offenders:

Justin Masterson: 2IP, 5H, 5R
Hideki Okajima: 0.1IP, 5H, 4R

Seriously? Seriously!

In between those two embarrassing outings, Manny Delcarmen came on and managed not to screw anything up, but it didn't do any good. Then Takashi Saito tried to stop the hit parade, but only managed to make things worse.

Enter Jonathan Papelbon, intrepid closer. Even the Papelstare couldn't save this one. The Os managed to score two off him in the 8th, leaving the rest of us scratching our heads in bewilderment. What happened to the best bullpen in the AL? They gave up 10 runs over two innings. TWO. Which, you know, is a pretty impressive feat, just not one anyone wants to see. So this afternoon we turn to our ace, Baseball Boyfriend himself, Josh Beckett. No pressure there, Commander Kickass. He's 5-0 in games after losses this season, so there's hope. And that's what being a Red Sox fan is all about. Hope.

Last night felt kind of like being in Oz. Let's hope Beckett's able to take us back to Kansas.

In baseball we trust

Easter Sunday. Most people spend it in their Sunday best, singing hymns and listening to a priest drone on about the miracle of Christ's resurrection (I'm Catholic and we're famous for monotonous preaching; excuse me if I'm a little biased here)... I remember being a little kid on Easter Sunday, going to Mass in my new Easter dress and stiff patent leather shoes, wearing itchy white tights and a hat that never wanted to stay on. It was all ridiculously uncomfortable and unbelievably boring, but that was how I spent all my Easter Sundays for many, many years. As I grew up, I ditched the hat and tights and sometimes even wore a nice pantsuit instead (gasp! Pants in church!), but for all these years it's basically been the same ritual, over and over.

Until this year. This year, I made a pilgrimage to Arizona, where my fearless partner-in-blogging Char and I spent Easter Sunday worshiping at the church of baseball. There were no hymns (unless you count Take Me Out To the Ballgame, which I do), no robotic priest, no resurrection - the Dbacks were down by two in the third on some silly obscure baseball rule and never managed to recover - but I did have a brand new hat and my baseball Sunday best, by which, of course, I mean an awesome Dbacks hat and a Conor Jackson t-shirt. Instead of communion, there were hot dogs and cheese fries. Instead of a sermon, there was announcing and cheering and lots of boos for Manny Ramirez. No worship music, just entrance music. And upon the altar? None other than Char's baseball boyfriend himself, Dan "Pirate Hair" Haren. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday, really. Granted, Chase Field isn't a cathedral like, say, Fenway or Wrigley Field. In the world of baseball, Chase is more like one of those non-denominational mega-churches, the ones you drive by in town and go "really? That's a church? it's so...modern." Because really, what's more modern than a stadium with both a retractible roof and a pool in the outfield?

Going to Fenway is like going to Mass. You're a Sox fan, the guy next to you is a Sox fan, everyone around you is a Sox fan with the exception of the occasional out-of-town team fan who sits and looks awkward while everyone stands up for the last out - kind of like the few non-Catholics who get dragged to Mass by friends or spouses and look out of place sitting in the pew while everyone else gets up for Communion. That's Fenway. At Chase, though - again, it's a non-denominational mega-church. We had unbelievable seats - 12 rows behind the Dbacks dugout; we could see facial expressions and sweat and the ball as it crossed home plate. The people next to us were Dbacks fans, but the people in front of us? Dodgers fans. And they weren't the only ones, either. There was quite a bit of Dodger blue in the stands, something you'd never see at Fenway. In a way, though, it was a lot more comfortable. Chase is the kind of place where you go to see your favorite team play, be they the home team or the visiting team, and either way you have a great time because you got to see your boys on the field. It doesn't have the intensity of Fenway, where the seats are stuffed full of rabid Sox fans who want their team to win so much that every moment seems to be do or die. Chase was a lot more relaxed; all you have to do is kick back (literally; I was able to put my feet up on the seat in front of me and it was awesome), relax, and watch some baseball. Nobody really cares what team you're cheering for, because it's not about that so much as it is just enjoying a day at the ballpark. Sit in the sunshine, eat a hot dog, stare at Conor Jackson's ass when he's up to bat...good times.

Last year's trip to Fenway was like going to Mass at the Vatican. I'm glad I did it, but I don't know if I'd do it again. Going to Chase felt more like going to this Unitarian church I went to once - nobody really cared what you wore or how you expressed yourself; it was enough just to come together to worship - at the altar of baseball, that is.

PS: Thus lending further credibility to the theory that Josh Beckett and Dan Haren are really the same person, the Red Sox lost on Easter Sunday with Beckett on the mound. I'm just sayin'.

Fouk Yu!

Trinity here. You know what I find fascinating about baseball players? The facial hair. I'm not normally a facial hair kind of person, but watching ballplayers with their ever-changing beard holds some kind of strange sway over me. I don't know what it is. You can tell a lot about a player by his facial hair, though. Take, for instance, wee Dustin Pedroia (who, incidentally, is in these awesome commercials for MLB '09 The Show). You know how you can tell that Dusty's having a hitting streak? He stops shaving. The further up his cheeks the stubble goes, the longer he's gone without an out. And then there's Dan "Pirate Hair" Haren, who seemingly doesn't shave unless he loses. As good as he is, that usually results in a mountain man look - complete with neck beard - that makes you wonder sometimes if he's going to start showing up on the mound in a flannel shirt and work boots.

*sings* He's a lumberjack and he's okay; he pitches all night and he works all day...

While we're on the subject of facial hair, I should mention that Josh Beckett and his soul patch are having a decent spring training so far. But the real focus here is poor Kevin Youkilis. Youk...well, he's not doing so well, and not only is his ego taking a beating this spring, but so's his chin. I present to you...

The Incredible Shrinking Goatee! (Or the Incredible Expanding Chin, whichever you prefer)

This is Youk last year. Good year for the Greek God of Walks:

Notice the multitude of chin hairs. Clearly, this is a happy Kevin Youkilis.

Next we have Youk at the start of spring training:

New season, new look. He dubbed this the "Youk-Fu." Clever.

And then this happened. Says Joe McDonald of The Providence Journal:

"Something was bothering Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis Saturday morning.
His walked at a serious pace into the clubhouse after leaving the batting cage, threw his bat into his locker and yelled a couple of curse words before storming off to the back room.
He emerged a little while later without his signature goatee."

Oh, Youk-Fu. We hardly knew ye. So what happens the next time Youk has a bad day? No more eyebrows? That's pretty much the only hair left on his head.

In other news, does anyone have 8.5 million dollars I could borrow? Manny Ramirez is selling his Boston condo and apparently my Baseball Boyfriend is his neighbor. This is the perfect opportunity for Beckett to discover that I exist! Just have to scrape up a huge wad of cash...

I'll get right on that.

There's only one Soxtober

Be prepared, y'all. It's October, the Red Sox are in the playoffs, and Char is a traitor. Things are gonna get ugly up in here. Char, I'm telling Jacoby Ellsbury on you.

She says I have to make my October predictions, so. Red Sox! No, I'm not predictable in the least. And to be quite honest with you, as much as I love my boys, I'm a little iffy about their chances in the postseason. Three of our October superstars aren't playing at 100%, and that's a huge deal. Beckett has a strained oblique and won't pitch until Game 3 of the ALDS. Drew and Lowell are both on the ALDS roster, but Drew has a back injury and Lowell a hip injury. Obviously they're both healthy enough to play, but are they firing on all cylinders? That's my concern. But we all know what kind of stuff the October Sox are made of. Dustin Pedroia played the entire postseason last year with a cracked hamate bone in his left hand, and who can forget Curt Shilling and the infamous bloody sock? Even JD "Made of Glass" Drew isn't letting his injury sideline him. Go Sox!

I think that the entire tone of the Sox postseason is going to depend on how Jon Lester does tonight. Lester seems to be a sink or swim kind of pitcher. Either he dominates or he tanks. Hopefully he's got his good stuff with him tonight.

Possibly significant stats:

Number of times the Sox have met the Angels in the postseason: 3
Number of times the Sox have knocked the Angels out of the postseason: 3
Sox postseason record against the Angels: 10-3

Not so significant stats!

Adam Kilgore of the Boston Globe writes:

"For what it’s worth, here were the Red Sox' records this season when …

Drew and Lowell both appeared: 45-42

Lowell appeared, Drew didn’t: 19-9

Drew appeared, Lowell didn’t: 13-7

Neither Drew nor Lowell appeared: 18-9

Absurd conclusion: Drew and Lowell shouldn’t play.

Actual conclusion: Stats make no sense. I give up."

I'll be watching the Rays/White Sox closely, too. I honestly can't decide which would be a worse matchup for the Sox. We're 4-3 this season against the White Sox and 8-10 against the Rays, but the White Sox are a pretty formidable opponent and we all know that October baseball is a whole new ball game.

My predictions:

ALDS:
Sox vs. Angels - Sox
Rays vs. White Sox - Hm. Probably the Rays

ALCS:
Sox vs. Rays - You know, as much as I'm inclined to say Sox, there really is a good chance that our October could end here. I still think that we could pull it off, though, assuming nobody goes down with an injury in the ALDS.

NLDS:
Dodgers vs. Cubs: I'm saying Dodgers just to make Char mad. ;) And they have Mr. October himself, Manny Ramirez.
Brewers vs. Phillies: Phillies

NLCS:
Dodgers vs. Phillies: This is a hard one, but I think I'm going to say Phillies.

World Series:
I have no freaking idea. All I really have to say is that I love that there's NO CHANCE the Yankees will be here this year. That's what I'm talking about!

Miscellany

It's my favorite time of the year, y'all. That magic moment where baseball season and football season collide. Sundays are the best; I get baseball in the early afternoon and then football all night long! I've been watching the Sox push for the wild card spot and the Pats recreate "Friday Night Lights" for the second time this decade. Little Matt Saracen Cassel isn't too shabby so far. I have my doubts about my boys giving us another (almost) perfect season, but they're not suddenly going to be the 2007 Miami Dolphins, either. Go Pats! Whoo!

Things that have caught my attention lately...

--"Baseball Tonight" last night showing Josh Beckett at his ass-kicking best. Following a pretty spectacular DP, the camera zooms in on Boyfriend just in time to catch him screaming "Yeah, motherfucker!" at the top of his lungs (accompanied, of course, by the requisite fistpump). No sound, but there was no mistaking what was coming out of his mouth. And it's Josh Beckett, so would you really expect anything less?

--"Baseball Tonight" again, this time touting wee Dustin Pedroia as the frontrunner for both the AL MVP and a Gold Glove. Quite honestly, if he doesn't get at least one of those, I'll eat my computer. I mean, have you seen him lately? He's leading the league in batting average, among other things. He might be tiny, but he packs a fucking punch.

--Matt Cassel's start on Sunday against the Jets was his first start since high school. High school! Plus, the Boston Globe keeps using the word "quarterbacked," which is really annoying.

--Gratuitous Conor Jackson picture!

Did you know the team calls him 'Thunderbrows?" I'd believe it.

Dear Red Sox bullpen,

I just want you to know I'm taking back every nice thing I've ever said about you. All of it. Because seriously, guys, giving up six runs in the 7th inning? Do you really think I'm going to let you get away with that?

Manny Delcarmen, I'm looking at you. You started it. I leave the room for two seconds and you give up two runs? What makes you think that's okay? It's not! You can't do that, not when we have the lead and we're 2.5 games behind already! No, it does not matter that we're still doing better than the Yankees. We won't be if you keep up these shenanigans.

Now you march right on over there to Dice-K and apologize for blowing that lead that he worked so hard for, all of you. And then you can just go sit your butts down in the dugout and think about what you've done. No, I'm not going to stop Beckett from chasing you around the clubhouse with those ridiculous brooms the Rays are waving. You made your bed, now you've got to lay in it. Maybe you'll remember this next time you want to have a complete meltdown.

No love,
Trin

Back to back homers by Youk and Crisp with one out in the top of the 10th? I'll take it. I mean, it would have been better if Papelbon hadn't blown the save, but at least we have the lead again. And extra innings means more Red Sox baseball for me to watch. There's been a serious lack of Sox on my TV lately. Reading about them is great, but not nearly as much fun as watching.

In less than a month, I'll be at Fenway!

Wow. Craig Hansen got a haircut and some facial hair and has kind of turned into a hottie. Not a big fan of the whole giving up a base hit with two outs in the tenth inning thing, though. Hotness doesn't win ballgames, Craig. And you just lost hotness points for walking that batter. Seriously, man. Do you want to win this thing or not?

Fly out, game over, thank god.

We don't need no stinkin' base hits

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

FOX's Jeanie Zelasko has been looking for it all season and now we've got one - Jon Lester picked up the first no-hitter of the season and of his career tonight as the Sox took down the Royals 7-0. Looks like I've underestimated you, Jon. Nice job.

Miscellany

I feel like a bullet point list tonight.

• Red Sox are up 3-1 at the top of the third. All three of those runs were scored in the first inning. Beckett's pitching. I love when the Sox play the Orioles, because I live in Orioles territory and get to see the entire series. Don't think I'm not still thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow and taking off for Baltimore for the 3pm game. If it weren't nearly state testing time, I'd so do it.
  
• I have yet to watch a Sox game on any channel where the announcers don't spend at least five minutes talking about Dustin Pedroia like he's the second coming. Not that I'm complaining - I love Pee Wee Petey. And Pedroia really has been hot shit so far this season.
  
• Book review! I recently finished reading The Code: Baseball's Unwritten Rules and its Ignore-at-Your-Own-Risk Code of Conduct by Ross Bernstein. It's mostly a collection of anecdotes, all centering around the unnoficial baseball honor code. Things like sliding hard into second, plunking batters, celebrating after home runs, etc. I enjoyed it, even though at times I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over - the code is about honor, respect, and looking out for your teammates. That's pretty clear after the first chapter, so most mentions of those three concepts in the following chapters felt like beating a dead horse at times. The book could have benefitted from more anecdotes, especially from current players. One of the themes of the book seems to be how the code is changing, between more stringent official rules and higher-paid players and various other things, but little is said about what, if anything, ballplayers are doing to compensate for this. But still, an entertaining read that really makes you see some elements of the game in a new light.
  
• Oh look. JD Drew's leaving the game with a wrist injury. Three words for you: Made. Of. Glass.
• In the time it took to write that book review, the Os scored four more runs, making it 3-5 Orioles, bottom of the 3rd. Three of those runs were off a Luke Scott homer. Boyfriend is not happy.
• Baseball books on the ever-expanding list of books to read: One Day at Fenway by Steve Kettman, A Tale of Two Cities: the 2004 Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry and the War for the Pennant by Tony Massarotti and John Harper, and Feeding the Monster: How Money, Smarts, and Nerve Took a Team to the Top by Seth Mnookin. Reviews forthcoming.
• And I think that's all I have for the night. Top of the 6th, score hasn't changed.
  

Baseball Boyfriend Birthday

Happy Birthday Conor Jackson!
May the immense gravitational pull of your massive eyebrows brings lots of home run pitches your way - to your bat, not your head, as is usually the case.

Tied together with a smile

Well, I may be sounding the death knell a little too soon, but...

Manny Delcarmen has the flu.

Jason Varitek has the flu.

Josh Beckett has neck stiffness related to the flu.

Mike Lowell's on the DL (although things are looking good for his return soon).

Alex Cora's on the DL.

Coco Crisp isn't on the DL, but is having hamstring problems.

Which means that backup catcher Kevin Cash is catching fresh-from-Pawtucket emergency starter David Pauley tonight. Anyone else just a little bit iffy about this? I'd feel better if Tek was the one behind the plate with a new guy on the mound. Unfortunately, Tek went and got himself the flu, then proceeded to do his best Typhoid Mary impression all over the Red Sox clubhouse. Hand sanitizer, man! Take it from a teacher - that shit is your best friend. If this goes on any longer, the maintenance men are going to wind up taking the field!

Ten bucks says Jacoby Ellsbury shows up at the clubhouse tomorrow with homemade chicken soup.

Fun fact: With Tek out, Cash playing and both Cora and Lowell (our intrepid emergency backup-backup catchers) on the DL, we were presumably without a backup catcher for tonight's game. That is, at least, until wee Dustin Pedroia offered to take the job. He'll be the only person in the history of major league baseball to have to catch from a standing position.

Duct tape and string, that seems to be the only thing holding the Sox together tonight.

Being Big Papi

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Ladies and gentlemen, Big Papi is back!

Davit Ortiz hit himself a grand slam with two outs in the third inning of in last night's game against the Texas Rangers. You can see him up there celebrating with the three runs he brought in - Ellsbury, Pedroia, and recent minor-league call-up Jed Lowrie. Then, to prove it wasn't a fluke, he hit a two-run RBI single in the bottom of the eighth. Also, Dice-K extended his winning streak to 4-0, and wee Dustin Pedroia hit his first homer of the season. Rangers 3, Red Sox 11.

But the honors of the night really belong to one Mr. David Ortiz.

Welcome back, Papi.

An open letter to the Red Sox bullpen

Dear David Aardsma,

I'll admit, I haven't thought very much of you as a pitcher so far this season. I think at one point I saw Tito put you in and went "Oh, we're fucked now." And really, you walk a lot of batters. But you're improving, I'll give you that.

Tonight, I just want to say thank you.

Generally, I'm not a fan of my pitchers plunking guys, not unless the other guys started it. However, I do understand that sometimes, those balls get away from you. And whether you meant it or not, that 95 mph heater you hit A-Rod with? Beautiful. I mean, I'm not happy that A-Rod got first, don't get me wrong. But if there's anyone on that team that I want to see hit with something traveling faster than my car will go, it's him.

So thank you, David Aardsma. You made my night.

Go Sox!

--Trin

Papelbon Postal Service

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail is going to stop this closer from shutting the door on the Yankees. And giving us all heart attacks in the process. I guess that's what he's good at, though. You really have to give him a lot of credit for what he did last night - he's been called one of the most dynamic closers in baseball, and last night just proves it. I mean, my god. He's up, he's down, he's up, he's down, and after all that time still manages to bring his good stuff. Talk about heart-stopping, nailbiting baseball. Of course, I think it helped that we had a rain delay of over two hours, during which Jeanie Zelasko and her baseball buddies on FOX proceeded to totally play up the forthcoming Pap/A-Rod (I hate A-Rod) matchup. By the time they got back to the ball game, I'm sure I wasn't the only Sox fan in a murderous rage, ready to beat the Yankees into submission and send them back to the clubhouse crying for their mommies.

Which Jonathan Papelbon, closer extrordinaire, summarily did.

But of course we can't give Pap all the credit. Baseball Boyfriend Josh Beckett picked up the W last night, looking like he's finally back in tobacco-chewing, crotch-grabbing, filthy-heat-throwing form after his stint on the DL and a rocky start (and loss) last week against the Blue Jays. He was executing pitches and throwing fucking strikes, that's for sure. He's back to the Josh that I know and love, making short work of the Yanks with only 88 pitches over 6 2/3 innings. Ruthless efficiency, folks. This is why we call him Joshua fucking Beckett.

We can't forget Manny Ramirez, either. Manny being Manny; that is, hitting homers and driving in runs. And losing his cap on the ball field hustling to catch the third out of whatever inning that was. He makes the catch and starts running for the dugout, and on TV the announcers are going "Manny, your hat!" and I'm thinking "It's okay. Ellsbury will get it, because he's made of puppies and sunshine and will probably deliver it to Manny with a big smile, but not until he's managed to clean all the pine tar off of it first, because that's our rookie for ya." And sure enough, not five minutes later the announcers are saying something about Johnny Damon running in the outfield, "but not over Manny's hat. Ellsbury got it for him." Ha!

And finally, I really just want to give David Ortiz a hug. He needs one after yesterday. I'm thinking Ellsbury needs to buy him an ice cream and have a motivational chat with him, because he's in a major slump and it's really kind of sad. How does Big Papi become the not-so-proud owner of the second lowest batting average in major league baseball? People are speculating that his knee is still bothering him, which could be true. No official word on that, though.

Tonight on ESPN: Dice-K takes on Phil Hughes, and Pap gets the night off. He deserves it.

When you can't get to the ballpark

Trin here. Char's off at the Diamondbacks game, so I've been forced to take over blogging duties. Not a whole lot going on. The Sox are losing to the Yankees, the Orioles are tied with Tampa Bay. I just recently discovered that Nick Markakis is really hot. Not that he's a threat to Josh Beckett's position as Baseball Boyfriend. He's just nice to look at. Really nice.

Anyway. If you're like me, you get a little irritated that you don't live in New England and can't watch Red Sox games on television, and you're on the world's worst satellite internet connection and couldn't watch MLB.tv even if you could afford it. So you do the next best thing - those gamecast things that a couple different sites offer. They're absolutely nothing like watching a ballgame, but at least you can kind of get an idea what's going on. I know of two - one on Yahoo! and one on ESPN. After following most of the game on the Yahoo! thing, then getting frustrated because it was so freaking slow and switching to the ESPN one, it's clear that the ESPN Gamecast is far superior. For a while I had them both going, and Yahoo!'s Gameday was at least a pitch behind ESPN. It was a couple pitches behind real time, too, when compared with the Orioles game on my TV. The ESPN Gamecast is a little crowded; in addition to the play by play and the graphic of the field and players, it's got a chart of the strike zone, scrolling information about the batter at the bottom of the screen, and larger pictures. It's just more...graphic. And with animation! You can watch the ball being pitched and in play, and a little box pops up to show you the result of the play. I really don't need all that; reading the play by play text is enough for me. I gues maybe it's meant to make you feel a little more like you're at a ballgame? At any rate, I think it's slightly strange that even with all that extra stuff, ESPN still runs faster than Yahoo.

Anyway, long story short is that if you can't watch the game, check out ESPN Gamecast. It's like being at the ballpark...only not.