A House Divided: Battle of the Boyfriends

Josh "Commander Kickass" Beckett vs Dan "The Pirate" Haren
7-4, 3.87 ERA 7-4, 3.26 ERA

It's the battle of the Baseball Boyfriends at Fenway Park tonight as the Josh Beckett and the Red Sox take on Dan Haren and the Diamondbacks. The Red Sox are coming off a 5-3, 13 inning win over St. Louis yesterday, in which both teams decimated their bullpen (seriously, I think David Aardsma was the only relief pitcher who didn't play yesterday) after Jonathan Papelbon gave us his best Eric Gagne impression, blowing a one-run lead that we'd worked our asses off to get. Do not want, Paps. Do. Not. Want. Beckett's pitching on seven day's rest, though, so expect to see him locked in, executing pitches, throwing fucking strikes, and whatever other curse words he usually drops at press conferences. As for Haren, he looked good in his last start againt the As, throwing a cutter fastball he kept in his back pocket all year. But it's the split-finger he dominates with, so we'll have to see if he can smoke it by the Sox.

The Diamondbacks just got swept in three games by the Twins. The Dbacks outscored the Twins in the Metrodome (which is so ugly, it looks like they're playing baseball in somebody's rec room) for 24 innings but were never able to pull out a win. The Twins picked an inning a game to throw up a crooked number and the Dbacks could never recover. It's good to have our number-two ace on the mound as the pitching has been especially rough recently. Even Brandon Webb has struggled; after earning the nickname 'The Tourniquet' for his ability to snap a losing streak, his pitching the past few starts has had more holes than a cheese grater. Tonight also sees the return of Eric 'Star of The Eric Byrnes Show' Byrnes after spending three weeks on the 15-day DL with bad hammies. Hopefully, we'll see the return of the good Byrnes, the ten million dollar man (he's the highest paid person on the team who's initials aren't RJ). The Dbacks need a spark, need him to do all the things you can't see in a box score that we pay him so well for (Trin: You mean like flailing around in the batter's box and grounding into double plays? Yeah, I'd like to see that Byrnes, too!).

Both teams are at the top of their respective leagues, Boston leading the AL East at 47-31 and the Dbacks heading the NL West at 39-37. The last time Arizona faced Boston at Fenway was in June of 02, with all three games of the series going to the Dbacks. Can they repeat that? Trin says it's highly unlikely, but she's a Red Sox fan, so she has to say that. She admits, however begrudgingly, that Dan Haren might be the NL's answer to Josh Beckett. Both right-handers are 1-3 in five outings against their respective opponents, with Haren posting a 3.26 ERA against the Sox and Beckett with a 5.65 ERA against the Diamondbacks. Still no word on the rest of tonight's lineups, but we'd be surprised if it didn't include the Drew brothers, Nancy...I mean, J.D. (I can't help it!) and Stephen, aka Baby Drew. Everybody knows that J.D. has been smokin' hot this month; it's like after ten years in the major leagues, he finally decided to actually play. I mean, he's leading the league in home runs for the month of June! And it's been beautiful to watch. Also expected in the Sox lineup is the second coming himself, Dustin Pedroia. Know anyone else who's gone for 69 consecutive at-bats without striking out? We don't (certainly not anyone wearing a Sedona Red uniform). Missing from the lineup will be occasional first baseman Sean "The Mayor" Casey, who begins serving his three-game suspension tonight for his role in the June 5 bench-clearer against the Rays.

The Diamondbacks again find themselves in a position to have a designated hitter (if anyone so much as thinks the name Micah Owings, I will kill you) (Trin: *thinks* Micah Owings!). My guess before the lineup comes out? Chad Tracy. He played the DH in Minnesota and it will be good to get his left-handed bat in there while still allowing Gravity to play first - now that Byrnes is back, no more starts in left field for everyone's favorite gravitational pull.

So in conclusion, it's the Sox vs the Dbacks, and it's totally on.

One, two, three: not it

You know, I questioned the wisdom of wearing a Dan Haren T-shirt to a Randy Johnson start, afraid that it would bring the Big Unit bad luck. I was right. Johnson gave up eight runs and was pulled in the fifth. What followed was the most furious game of paper, rock, scissors ever witnessed as an exhausted bullpen tried desperately to avoid being sent out, lest their arms fall off.

We lost 12-3. My record at Chase Field now stands at 1-2, with both losses being blowouts. An interesting statistic, to be sure.

Less than a month and we'll both be at Fenway. Let's see if my luck is bi-costal.

Back to back homers by Youk and Crisp with one out in the top of the 10th? I'll take it. I mean, it would have been better if Papelbon hadn't blown the save, but at least we have the lead again. And extra innings means more Red Sox baseball for me to watch. There's been a serious lack of Sox on my TV lately. Reading about them is great, but not nearly as much fun as watching.

In less than a month, I'll be at Fenway!

Wow. Craig Hansen got a haircut and some facial hair and has kind of turned into a hottie. Not a big fan of the whole giving up a base hit with two outs in the tenth inning thing, though. Hotness doesn't win ballgames, Craig. And you just lost hotness points for walking that batter. Seriously, man. Do you want to win this thing or not?

Fly out, game over, thank god.

Game day

Another day, another Dbacks game, one that I will be attending.

Randy Johnson takes the mound today against the Royals, and let's hope it's a nice long outing because after three straight days of extra innings, the bullpen is pretty much spent. If that game last night had gone on past ten, they would have needed to take volunteers from the crowd to pitch.

Also, I'd like to see a win, since the last time I was at Chase Field was that awful game against the Phillies.

Turn the beat around

For the first five innings, it was business as usual for the Diamondbacks. Or at least the Diamondbacks as they have been recently: lacking a drive to win, lacking an offense and lacking confidence on defense. Then something changed. Maybe whatever it was was brought in with the winds that swept through Shea Stadium. Whatever it was, the Diamondbacks did something they haven't done in a long time.

They rallied.

Down 5-1 in the fifth, Orlando Hudson slapped a two-run homer. In the sixth, the littlest ballplayer, Augie Ojeda had a crucial two-run RBI to tie the score. A 61 minute rain delay didn't slow the Dbacks' charge. I don't know what was said inside the clubhouse last night, but the Diamondbacks were determined to win.

Chris Snyder hit the go-ahead run in the eighth. Not wanting to be left out of the fun, Baby Drew had a two-run homer in the ninth and Gravity had a solo shot of his own.

Down by four runs on the road, the Diamondbacks played like a team leading its division. And man, was that fun to watch.

Victory

Perhaps the single greatest sentence ever written about the Diamonbacks:

Mark Reynolds beat Dan Haren in a spirited, dramatic game of Jenga in the clubhouse this afternoon.

Re: the Brewers

The Dbacks just don't know how to treat a girl. I came home sick from work, which means I was watching this whole debacle.

You know what? I don't think I want to talk about it.