He Who Must Not Be Named

Trinity: Ha, A-Rod's getting booed.
Char: See, everybody hates A-Rod.
Char: We should have a nickname for him, the kind of name that makes a person sound like a dick.
Char: Like Clancy.
Trinity: Or Voldemort, because he's evil.
Trinity: Volde-Rod.
Char: Perfect!

It's a mad world

Eric Byrnes has hit a grand slam.

In this crazy new world in which we find ourselves, anything is possible. Down is up, left is right and I fully expect it to begin raining chocolate pudding at any moment.

Before yesterday afternoon, the only thing Byrnes knew about a grand slam was what they serve at Denny's. Now he knows how a major league baseball grand slam feels: less bacon, more glory.

If anyone needed it, it was Byrnes. His batting average for the season was down to .217 and his average for the month of May was so low, I'm embarassed to even type it. It was roughly the equivalent of his annual salary, give or take a few decimal places.

Congratulations, Byrnesie. This is what people expect from you, why you're the face of the franchise. You've earned yourself a couple days of goodwill from me and hopefully this is sign of you turning that slump around for good.

A message from Baby Drew

Baby Drew is tired, y'all. Every night he goes to work, makes the plays at short and then well, he literally steps up to the plate. That's why he's so tired. Baby Drew is carrying this team on his back right now. Three of the Diamondbacks' four hits against the Marlins were Baby Drew's and their only run came off a Baby Drew homer. Baby Drew remembers when Conor Jackson was getting hits all the time, when Mark Reynold's was hitting homers. Hell, Baby Drew even remembers when Eric Byrnes was hitting and it's been a long time since that's happened with any kind of regularity.

Baby Drew is generous, he wants the other guys to get hits too. Baby Drew doesn't want to have to do the work alone, but while the rest of the team tries to remember just what they're supposed to do with those bits of wood, Baby Drew will be in your ballparks, hitting all your runs.

You want me to wear what?

You know what I hate about being a baseball chick? The clothes. I've got plans to make the trek up to Chase Field next month and was eagerly anticipating a trip to the team shop. Sure, I've only been doing this baseball fan thing with any regularity for the past couple months, but I'm starting to accumulate a variety of merchandise. I have my Dbacks cap, my tenth anniversary T-shirt (free giveaway night, woohoo!) and my #15 Dan Haren shirt (I love you!). But what about my next trip? Should I splurge on a jersey? Or get another player shirt - appropriately, like his nickname, Conor Jackson calls to me and I'd love to wear his shirt. Debating, I went online to investigate options.

I wanted a Gravity T-shirt but since my Haren shirt is men's I navigated to the women's section online to look for player shirts. And I looked. And looked. And looked. Where were they? I clicked around in other sections, trying to find the shirt I wanted. It doesn't exist. There are no player shirts in women's cuts.

Why the hell not?

The women's clothing section of the Dbacks shop leaves a lot to be desired. First out of of two pages of results for T-shirts only one is in the Diamondbacks signature color, Sedona red. Everything else is black (which ok, is a team color but not as good as red), white or worse, pink.

Why would I want to wear this? It's ugly, barely affiliated with the team and if you're going to a game, why wear pink? A player on the field doesn't know that some random pink shirt is for him.

Is it supposed to be ironic? Is it an ironic T-shirt because omg, girls totally like baseball too, isn't that like, so funny?

No. It's not. I don't have to prove I'm a girl by wearing pink because clearly, there's something off about girls like sports. I don't have to reconcile my feminine side with sports. I can be a perfectly normal girl who enjoys baseball and that means I want to wear my team colors in shirts that are designed to fit me correctly.

I'll still pick up Gravity's shirt and like my other Dbacks gear, resign myself to the fact that I have to purchase it in a men's cut (the website describes it as an "authentic chest cut" but I don't know who's chest it authentically fits, cause it ain't mine), making it small in the chest and baggy in the shoulder and waist. It won't fit right but what choice do I have? I've got money to spend and I want to support my team and my favorite players. Just don't expect me to wear pink.

We don't need no stinkin' base hits

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

FOX's Jeanie Zelasko has been looking for it all season and now we've got one - Jon Lester picked up the first no-hitter of the season and of his career tonight as the Sox took down the Royals 7-0. Looks like I've underestimated you, Jon. Nice job.

Miscellany

I feel like a bullet point list tonight.

• Red Sox are up 3-1 at the top of the third. All three of those runs were scored in the first inning. Beckett's pitching. I love when the Sox play the Orioles, because I live in Orioles territory and get to see the entire series. Don't think I'm not still thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow and taking off for Baltimore for the 3pm game. If it weren't nearly state testing time, I'd so do it.
  
• I have yet to watch a Sox game on any channel where the announcers don't spend at least five minutes talking about Dustin Pedroia like he's the second coming. Not that I'm complaining - I love Pee Wee Petey. And Pedroia really has been hot shit so far this season.
  
• Book review! I recently finished reading The Code: Baseball's Unwritten Rules and its Ignore-at-Your-Own-Risk Code of Conduct by Ross Bernstein. It's mostly a collection of anecdotes, all centering around the unnoficial baseball honor code. Things like sliding hard into second, plunking batters, celebrating after home runs, etc. I enjoyed it, even though at times I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over - the code is about honor, respect, and looking out for your teammates. That's pretty clear after the first chapter, so most mentions of those three concepts in the following chapters felt like beating a dead horse at times. The book could have benefitted from more anecdotes, especially from current players. One of the themes of the book seems to be how the code is changing, between more stringent official rules and higher-paid players and various other things, but little is said about what, if anything, ballplayers are doing to compensate for this. But still, an entertaining read that really makes you see some elements of the game in a new light.
  
• Oh look. JD Drew's leaving the game with a wrist injury. Three words for you: Made. Of. Glass.
• In the time it took to write that book review, the Os scored four more runs, making it 3-5 Orioles, bottom of the 3rd. Three of those runs were off a Luke Scott homer. Boyfriend is not happy.
• Baseball books on the ever-expanding list of books to read: One Day at Fenway by Steve Kettman, A Tale of Two Cities: the 2004 Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry and the War for the Pennant by Tony Massarotti and John Harper, and Feeding the Monster: How Money, Smarts, and Nerve Took a Team to the Top by Seth Mnookin. Reviews forthcoming.
• And I think that's all I have for the night. Top of the 6th, score hasn't changed.
  

We're on a break

Char: Is it bad that I don't know if I want to watch the Dbacks today?
Trinity: Wow. That is bad.
Char: ANTM is on MTV and I kind of just want to watch that. Plus I'm angry at Eric Byrnes and the rest of them for sucking yesterday
Trinity: Ha! I'm in a fight with the Red Sox. Specifically Papelbon.
Char: Eric Byrnes STRUCK OUT INTO A DOUBLE PLAY
Trinity: Paps GAVE UP TWO RUNS IN THE NINTH.
Trinity: BLEW THE SAVE
Trinity: Two outs, two men on, Sox are up by one and stupid Paps gave up the tying and the go-ahead run.
Char: Well, it happens sometimes....
Trinity: This is his second blown save in a row!
Char: Ouch.
Trinity: Yeah
Char: Eric Byrnes flailed around so much when he struck out that the ump called him on interference. They said he blocked the catcher's throwing lane to second where Augie Ojeda had just stolen second base, so they called Augie out
Char: TWO OUTS ON A SINGLE STRIKE OUT
Trinity: Ugh. Stupid Byrnes!
Char: And Byrnes is FIVE FOR HIS LAST 50 with no walks and no extra base hits
Char: AND HE'S ALWAYS IN THE TOP OF THE ORDER
Char: Angry! I am angry with you, Eric Byrnes!
Trinity: I am too! Just because!
Char: Because he sucks!
Trinity: He does!
Char: Stinking baseball.
Trinity: Srsly.