Like A Bad Car Engine

That was hardly the outing I expected after all my glowing praise yesterday. I love you Dan Haren, but you're going to have to do a bit better that nine hits, two walks and five earned runs in less than five innings if this is going to work between us.

Not that Danny Boy is solely responsible for this trainwreck. With the exception of Baby Drew's solo shot, the Dbacks' bats were made of lead and the defense was hardly impressive. Yes, that means you, Young and Upton. I know you're young (one of you literally) but committing errors that let the other team score is bad. Do we understand each other?

I read somewhere that Young is still shaking the flu, and you know, I blame Typhoid Tek. Clearly, Varitek has infected everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if Josh Beckett was mailing out Tek's used tissues to opposing clubs.

Let's do better tonight boys, okay?

Like A Rocket

When it comes to hot starts, it doesn't get any fiery than this. The Diamondbacks are sitting on a pretty six game division lead and have the best record in the the MLB. And last night Brandon Webb became the first pitcher this year to go 5-0. Of course, he won the game with a two-run RBI after the Giants got off to an early lead.

This, combined with the fact that my alarm goes off at the ungodly hour of 4:30 am, prompted me to turn off the game and go to bed. Then I dreamt we lost 33-9. I know it was a dream because not only did we win 5-4 but if the Giants ever scored 33 runs in a game, I'd be holed up in my nuclear bunker, enjoying a diet of Spam and bottled water because the end of the world would be pretty seriously nigh.

Webb isn't even the best hitting pitcher we've got. That honor belongs to Micah Owings, whose entertaining exploits have me eager to see which will be better, his ERA or his BA. I've seen Pwnings brought in to pinch hit. And if you're a pitcher and the other team sends in their pitcher to pinch hit, you might as well call it a day. That must be so embarrassing. I love it.

Pwnings is also unafraid to go after the ball. Couple of days ago, he went after an infield grounder and when there was no one covering the bag, he slid to first to get the out. It's a surprising play when you weigh the risk of injury against the rewards of merely getting the first out.

And before I forget, tip of the hat to Conor Jackson for being named NL Player of the Week. Nicely done, Gravity.

Tied together with a smile

Well, I may be sounding the death knell a little too soon, but...

Manny Delcarmen has the flu.

Jason Varitek has the flu.

Josh Beckett has neck stiffness related to the flu.

Mike Lowell's on the DL (although things are looking good for his return soon).

Alex Cora's on the DL.

Coco Crisp isn't on the DL, but is having hamstring problems.

Which means that backup catcher Kevin Cash is catching fresh-from-Pawtucket emergency starter David Pauley tonight. Anyone else just a little bit iffy about this? I'd feel better if Tek was the one behind the plate with a new guy on the mound. Unfortunately, Tek went and got himself the flu, then proceeded to do his best Typhoid Mary impression all over the Red Sox clubhouse. Hand sanitizer, man! Take it from a teacher - that shit is your best friend. If this goes on any longer, the maintenance men are going to wind up taking the field!

Ten bucks says Jacoby Ellsbury shows up at the clubhouse tomorrow with homemade chicken soup.

Fun fact: With Tek out, Cash playing and both Cora and Lowell (our intrepid emergency backup-backup catchers) on the DL, we were presumably without a backup catcher for tonight's game. That is, at least, until wee Dustin Pedroia offered to take the job. He'll be the only person in the history of major league baseball to have to catch from a standing position.

Duct tape and string, that seems to be the only thing holding the Sox together tonight.

Being Big Papi

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Ladies and gentlemen, Big Papi is back!

Davit Ortiz hit himself a grand slam with two outs in the third inning of in last night's game against the Texas Rangers. You can see him up there celebrating with the three runs he brought in - Ellsbury, Pedroia, and recent minor-league call-up Jed Lowrie. Then, to prove it wasn't a fluke, he hit a two-run RBI single in the bottom of the eighth. Also, Dice-K extended his winning streak to 4-0, and wee Dustin Pedroia hit his first homer of the season. Rangers 3, Red Sox 11.

But the honors of the night really belong to one Mr. David Ortiz.

Welcome back, Papi.

Things I Do At 5 AM

A haiku:

O! Danny Haren
I love your hair and fastball
Are you a pirate?

The Dbacks play the Padres today and I have a feeling they may be a little sluggish tonight. Seeing as how they went 22 innings against Colorado last night. It was after 1 am when the Rockies finally won and the Padres still have to travel to Phoenix today. I mean, six hour game. Damn.

Brothers From Another Mother

Screencap from yahoo.com

When I saw this image over on Yahoo! I had to do a double-take. I mean, is it just me or somehow, during his time extending his hitting streak to 12 games and helping Arizona win the series with the Giants two games to one, did Eric Byrnes find time to clone himself and trek to Cincinnati (the best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio USA) to go play for the Reds? It's not just me, right?

An open letter to the Red Sox bullpen

Dear David Aardsma,

I'll admit, I haven't thought very much of you as a pitcher so far this season. I think at one point I saw Tito put you in and went "Oh, we're fucked now." And really, you walk a lot of batters. But you're improving, I'll give you that.

Tonight, I just want to say thank you.

Generally, I'm not a fan of my pitchers plunking guys, not unless the other guys started it. However, I do understand that sometimes, those balls get away from you. And whether you meant it or not, that 95 mph heater you hit A-Rod with? Beautiful. I mean, I'm not happy that A-Rod got first, don't get me wrong. But if there's anyone on that team that I want to see hit with something traveling faster than my car will go, it's him.

So thank you, David Aardsma. You made my night.

Go Sox!

--Trin

Life, the Universe and Everything

Char here.

You know, I spent some time thinking about Jackie Robinson Day today at (because I'm certainly not going to waste my time thinking about my job). I've done some reading about it today, about comments that wearing number 42 should be reserved for players who bring diversity in any way or that teams without black players shouldn't wear it. After some thought, I've decided I disagree.

There is nothing wrong with honoring the man who broke the color barrier in Major League Baseball in a time when the world was segregated. Wearing his number is a reminder of how far we've come and hopefully, encouragement about how far we have still left to go.

His achievement, both in desegregation and as a talented ball player deserves our respect. There are far too few heroes, for a day, there's nothing wrong with venerating one of the greats.

Thank you, Jackie Robinson.

Growing Pains

Photo courtesy of the Associated Press

See those feet? That's third baseman Mark Reynolds, going flying over the the photo well rail after a foul ball. He was slow to get up but from what I know, was uninjured.

The Diamondbacks lost to the Giants 4-5. Big Unit Randy Johnson had a reasonable start, striking out seven but allowing four walks. The loss rest squarely on the shoulders of the defense, especially on the errors from Sheriff Mark Reynolds and Baby Drew.

Eric Byrnes extended his hitting streak to 10 games, shocking the hell out of me because if I had a dollar for everytime he grounded out to shortstop, I'd have a lot more dollars than I have right now. But apparently the Mop-Haired One can hit.

Oh, and a salute to David Ortiz who had not one but two base hits in the Red Sox's nailbiter victory over the Indians last night. Maybe Big Papi got his mojo back.

so it goes

Well, if you're going to lose, lose spectacularly. That seemed to be the attitude in the Diamondbacks' dugout as they were demolished by the Rockies today, 13-5. The mascot for today's crapshoot was pitcher Edgar Gonzalez. In three innings on the mound, Gonzalez allowed three runs, walked two and hit two, including hitting one guy in the head.

The Dbacks followed Gonzalez's example. Though they did score five runs, offense was not there today (notable exceptions: Salazar and Snyder, who finally remembered that he's expected to bat, too). Eric Byrnes took it upon himself to ground out to short at every opportunity. The normally superb Orlando Hudson had trouble baserunning after a hit was ruled an infield fly. Now, I am a bit new at this baseball thing and I did have to look up the infield fly rule. In order to prevent infielders from allowing balls to hit the ground or dropping balls to try and turn double plays, an umpire can declare any infield ball that is catchable through ordinary effort an "infield fly." The batter is automatically out and any baserunners can advance but at their own risk. Now, I don't see why they don't just let them turn the double play, because the batter shouldn't hit that way and I don't think it's fair to punish the batter, especially if the infield fails to make the catch, but that's the rule. But Hudson decided to try and advance, not realizing the batter was out, and caused him to get tagged out.

The bullpen, including previously reliable Pena also suffered a complete meltdown. It was not pretty. And yeah, we were due for a loss. I just don't like to see everything come completely apart. Now, the Dbacks need to put the loss behind them as tomorrow the Big Unit takes the mound in his first start this year against the Giants. And hey, it's the Giants. Your local baseball rec team could beat the Giants right now.

Well done, sir

Congratulations, Doug Davis, on your successful surgery for thyroid cancer. I wish you the best and hope to see you back on the mound soon.

Papelbon Postal Service

Photo courtesy of the Boston Globe

Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor hail is going to stop this closer from shutting the door on the Yankees. And giving us all heart attacks in the process. I guess that's what he's good at, though. You really have to give him a lot of credit for what he did last night - he's been called one of the most dynamic closers in baseball, and last night just proves it. I mean, my god. He's up, he's down, he's up, he's down, and after all that time still manages to bring his good stuff. Talk about heart-stopping, nailbiting baseball. Of course, I think it helped that we had a rain delay of over two hours, during which Jeanie Zelasko and her baseball buddies on FOX proceeded to totally play up the forthcoming Pap/A-Rod (I hate A-Rod) matchup. By the time they got back to the ball game, I'm sure I wasn't the only Sox fan in a murderous rage, ready to beat the Yankees into submission and send them back to the clubhouse crying for their mommies.

Which Jonathan Papelbon, closer extrordinaire, summarily did.

But of course we can't give Pap all the credit. Baseball Boyfriend Josh Beckett picked up the W last night, looking like he's finally back in tobacco-chewing, crotch-grabbing, filthy-heat-throwing form after his stint on the DL and a rocky start (and loss) last week against the Blue Jays. He was executing pitches and throwing fucking strikes, that's for sure. He's back to the Josh that I know and love, making short work of the Yanks with only 88 pitches over 6 2/3 innings. Ruthless efficiency, folks. This is why we call him Joshua fucking Beckett.

We can't forget Manny Ramirez, either. Manny being Manny; that is, hitting homers and driving in runs. And losing his cap on the ball field hustling to catch the third out of whatever inning that was. He makes the catch and starts running for the dugout, and on TV the announcers are going "Manny, your hat!" and I'm thinking "It's okay. Ellsbury will get it, because he's made of puppies and sunshine and will probably deliver it to Manny with a big smile, but not until he's managed to clean all the pine tar off of it first, because that's our rookie for ya." And sure enough, not five minutes later the announcers are saying something about Johnny Damon running in the outfield, "but not over Manny's hat. Ellsbury got it for him." Ha!

And finally, I really just want to give David Ortiz a hug. He needs one after yesterday. I'm thinking Ellsbury needs to buy him an ice cream and have a motivational chat with him, because he's in a major slump and it's really kind of sad. How does Big Papi become the not-so-proud owner of the second lowest batting average in major league baseball? People are speculating that his knee is still bothering him, which could be true. No official word on that, though.

Tonight on ESPN: Dice-K takes on Phil Hughes, and Pap gets the night off. He deserves it.

Game Day, Char here

My first trip down the old BOB Chase Field since 2002 (I remember because they gave away World Series DVDs that day) was a resounding success. The Diamondbacks secured their seventh win in a row, pounding the Colorado Rockies 8-2. Brandon Webb was masterful, going eight innings allowing two runs on four hits and striking out six. Eric Byrnes homered and drew a walk, finally starting to look like he can do more than whack away at any pitch that comes in his general direction. Justin Upton and Orlando Hudson also homered. I was a little disappointed not to see Baseball Boyfriend Dan Haren live and in the flesh but, well, we can't have everything.

A Chicks and Sticks salute to the guys in section 203 for general awesomeness. Not only did they give a friend of mine a high five for her, shall we say...enthusiastic rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," but they also adopted one of my nicknames. Itty bitty Stephen Drew, shortstop to the Dbacks and brother of Red Sox JD Drew looks about 16 and since his brother plays for the Sox, I've started calling him Baby Drew. Well hell, if by the fourth inning, the guys in front of us weren't going "Come on, Baby Drew!" Spread it like wildfire, folks.

Conor Jackson (seen above, doing the pee pee dance) also returned to the lineup after leaving game three of the Dodgers series early to have his wrist examined after he was hit by a pitch, his third HBP in two games. I have decided that Conor "Gravity" Jackson keeps his powers in his eyebrows, which are so large they clearly have their own gravitational pull. No wonder he keeps getting hit.

A question: sequestered where they are behind screens and fences, the bullpen is the kids' table of baseball y/n?

And a tip for anyone making the trip to Chase Field (which I recommend, the stadium is quite nice now and the HD scoreboard is a thing of beauty) be careful where you walk. Downtwon Phoenix is very industrial so if you're walking away from the stadium and all you see are warehouses, you might want to turn around and try going another way, or you might find yourself in a situation where it takes you an hour to get to your car. Hypothetically. Not that I know from experience or anything.

Motivations by Jacoby Ellsbury

Regarding Jacoby buying his team members ice cream in order to convince them to play hard:

Char: And you know Ellsbury offered to buy everybody ice cream too.
Trin: Oh, he so did. Nutty Buddies.
Char: He probably comes into the locker room early and leaves Little Debbies for everyone. Moon Pies from Jacoby.
Trin: Ha!
Char: Jacoby's the kind of guy who probably got notes from his mom in his lunch box.
Trin: I bet he leaves notes for the guys, too. Because you know that they order out and then make him go pick it up, and he writes on all their napkins.
Char: Even little things, "You're appreciated!"
Trin: I'm sure he writes that to the bullpen guys. Because that's what you write when you can't actually think of anything positive about them to say.
Char: Yeah, but it's not like writing "have a good summer" in someone's yearbook. He means it.
Trin: Because he's made of puppies and sunshine.
Char: He is.
Trin: He's like the anti-Beckett. Because Beckett is definitely not made of puppies or sunshine. He eats puppies and hates the sun.
Char: But Beckett's not evil.
Trin: He's not. Just scary.
Char: Beckett makes babies cry but he always feels bad and gives them candy after.
Trin: He does! Because he has a softer side. He's just, you know, Joshua fucking Beckett. He has an image to maintain.
Char: He does.

When you can't get to the ballpark

Trin here. Char's off at the Diamondbacks game, so I've been forced to take over blogging duties. Not a whole lot going on. The Sox are losing to the Yankees, the Orioles are tied with Tampa Bay. I just recently discovered that Nick Markakis is really hot. Not that he's a threat to Josh Beckett's position as Baseball Boyfriend. He's just nice to look at. Really nice.

Anyway. If you're like me, you get a little irritated that you don't live in New England and can't watch Red Sox games on television, and you're on the world's worst satellite internet connection and couldn't watch MLB.tv even if you could afford it. So you do the next best thing - those gamecast things that a couple different sites offer. They're absolutely nothing like watching a ballgame, but at least you can kind of get an idea what's going on. I know of two - one on Yahoo! and one on ESPN. After following most of the game on the Yahoo! thing, then getting frustrated because it was so freaking slow and switching to the ESPN one, it's clear that the ESPN Gamecast is far superior. For a while I had them both going, and Yahoo!'s Gameday was at least a pitch behind ESPN. It was a couple pitches behind real time, too, when compared with the Orioles game on my TV. The ESPN Gamecast is a little crowded; in addition to the play by play and the graphic of the field and players, it's got a chart of the strike zone, scrolling information about the batter at the bottom of the screen, and larger pictures. It's just more...graphic. And with animation! You can watch the ball being pitched and in play, and a little box pops up to show you the result of the play. I really don't need all that; reading the play by play text is enough for me. I gues maybe it's meant to make you feel a little more like you're at a ballgame? At any rate, I think it's slightly strange that even with all that extra stuff, ESPN still runs faster than Yahoo.

Anyway, long story short is that if you can't watch the game, check out ESPN Gamecast. It's like being at the ballpark...only not.

First Time

From Trinity, last night:

I just took a good look at the Sox game play by play...I don't know what the hell's going on at Fenway but it's bad. Lester didn't get a single K in his 5 innings. And he got charged with a wild pitch. Youk was moved to third and Casey put at first when Lowell got pulled for reasons unknown. Aardsma actually managed to strike a guy out. He went for 1.2 innings before Tito brought Bryan Corey in, which means we're going to be blowing through our joke of a bullpen tonight and we'll probably lose, unless he's smart and brings in Paps. But not even Papelbon can save this one; now we're down by four at the top of the 8th and how the hell are we losing to a team who's current record is something like 0-6? I mean, my god. I'm beginning to wonder if the World Series win was something I dreamed, because we sure as hell aren't playing like champions. What the fuck, Red Sox? What. The. Fuck. At least the Yankees are losing.

And from Char, this morning:

Detroit did get their first win, beating the Red Sox, 7-2. And while performance from players not named Daisuke (how much does Dice-K sound like an energy drink?) hasn't been extraordinary, the truth is that the Tigers weren't going to go 0-162. They had to get the W at some point, I just wish it had been against a different team. After the sweep in Toronto, the Sox have been a little slow out of the gate. I vote Ellsbury works his magic, buys everybody an ice cream and talks them into going out there and playing hard, because gee, they can do it.

Opening Day

Welcome to the blog! The baseball blog has been done, so we're not exactly inventing the wheel here, but you don't usually see too much in the way of a new and emerging fan's view of the game of baseball. We're giving you two. Less than a year ago, Trinity would have said she hated baseball, because what's fun about a game where most of your time is spent waiting for something to happen? Char's flirted with having a relationship with the sport, but up until now hasn't been ready for a serious commitment. Now, though, Char won't shut up about the Diamondbacks and Trinity's kicking herself for having lived in Boston for a year and never having gone to Fenway. So this is about our impressions of baseball in general and since we're interested in more than one team, is more broadly focused than some other blogs (not that there won't be a lot of Red Sox and Diamondbacks talk).

And now, your starting lineup...

Char is a 23 year old SWF with brown hair, brown eyes, and a great sense of humor. She likes candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and...oh, wait. Dan Haren's not actually going to read this? Damn. It was worth a shot, anyway. So, Char. She's obviously the brains of this outfit, as the blog title, header, and general idea all belong to her. Char's the Diamondbacks girl and a lifelong baseball semi-fan who's recently decided that loving the National League is something to be proud of. Really proud of. As in, talks about it nonstop proud. That's okay; there are worse obsessions to have. Like a Yankees obsession.

And introducing Trinity, the Red Sox fan literally sinking her teeth into baseball for the first time. This is especially true because she would like nothing more than to be the filling in a Josh Beckett sandwich. She is blessed with satellite television, which means she gets to see a lot more games than I do, but not the games she wants (because nobody cares about the Nationals). She’s up on the knowledge, follows the news and her refusal to sugar coat things means she’s not afraid to tell it like it is. Likes: Josh Beckett’s soul patch; the Orioles because hey, at least they’re not the Nationals, and hating the Yankees.